With cuffing season right around the corner, it can be difficult not to be entrapped by the next decent prospect that comes around. This morning, I saw a TikTok asking “are you really a people pleaser if you haven’t ever accidentally gotten into a relationship?” and this is the point where I hope I’m not hearing the proverbial crickets… because I did in fact have to agree. Whether it be from ourselves or our environment, the pressure to find “that special someone” hardly dwindles as we get older – which is why I’ve self-proclaimed October 3rd as “Delete Instagram, No Really” day. In all seriousness, being shrouded in a culture where being in a long-term relationship is seen as the “ultimate goal” and being single is just something in between or just someone waiting to get into their next relationship, we’re all bound to get a little bit desperate. Slowly throwing away standards, beliefs, and for some, even morals to find that someone special isn’t uncommon. In fact, it’s human. However, this past hot girl summer, my friend and I went to different lengths to test just how far people would go, even with someone clearly constructed as a façade.
Using a pseudonym of our last name, we curated the woman we today call Andi Joshua (_andijoshua). As novice social experimentators, our plan was to make our profile as illegitimate as possible, making Andi Joshua into the female encapsulation of ChatGPT. However, despite her clear AI appearance and answers, we did receive some responses – and we made sure to take every shot we got. With every person Andi interacted with, we made her seem so clearly like a hoax; however, we also turned her into the most agreeable, flexible individual known to man. Whatever they liked, Andi liked. Whatever they wanted, Andi wanted. To us, it was so clearly too good to be true – yet, in our first wave of creating the account, no one found any reason to mistrust us. June turned to July, and Andi’s conversations ran the gamut from heartfelt to hilariously absurd to borderline terrifying. Every conversation pointed to the same unsettling truth: people were more willing to overlook red flags if they felt their own desires were being met. It became clear that many were looking for someone who didn’t challenge them or require vulnerability – just someone who would agree and reflect their desires back at them. In the era of digital dating, authenticity can often take a backseat when it’s faced with companionship – when your next talking stage is just a swipe away, it’s almost impossible to garner whether individuals reaching out are more interested in the idea of a partner than the reality of a person. Andi Joshua was a caricature of a person – devoid of opinions and always agreeable – but it seemed those were the traits making others attracted to her. I began to question the implications of our experiment. Were we merely reflecting society’s obsession with idealized relationships, or were we contributing to the very issue we aimed to critique? By continually validating the men we were talking to, were we merely feeding into a culture that glorifies idealized relationships at the expense of true intimacy? And in a world where superficial connections are the norm, what happens to genuine human interaction? Â
Ultimately, our little social experiment served as a wake-up call. Our desire for connection is innate, but that connection should not come at the price of authenticity – and it’s crucial to understand what is real and what is simply a mirage. Rather than falling victim to the incessant online comparisons and the pressure to pair up, it’s worth it to find a genuine connection and prioritize meaningful relationships over mere convenience. After all, true connection is messy, complicated, and beautiful. And far more incandescent than any polished illusion.