Going through adolescence is already tough, but growing up being labeled “weird” is actually hell on earth. Now before I get quirky allegations thrown at me, I don’t believe I was a weird kid, just a kid exploring different interests that people around me did not understand. But when you’re growing up and value acceptance from other people having “weird” interests doesn’t cut it.
So spoiler alert, I did in fact care about being cool, and many people can relate to changing parts of themselves to fit in at some point. It could be small physical changes, maybe minor personality changes. Except I valued acceptance from others to a whole other level and did a complete flip on my personality, essentially losing all the interests I had as a kid. I beat myself up for this all the time now that my mind has somewhat developed and I have found joy in revisiting the things I used to love before. This was especially amped up over the summer when Kimya Dawson’s “Being Cool” was used in a trend where people compared their current selves to their childhood selves.
The lyric used in clips was: “Part of me that knows I never cared for being cool“.
As a sucker for inner child healing this trend absolutely tugged at my heartstrings. And so I began a deeper dive into my younger self and all the interests and hobbies that faded away. How I left behind the title of being the art kid once I reached high school. I remember how I would play Animal Crossing New Leaf daily in middle school and spend hours on YouTube watching people’s gameplay. Participating in book fandom culture (BookTok has nothing on those days) obsessing over The Hunger Games series and The Fault in Our Stars. There are countless things I kept to myself which, quite honestly, initiated me being chronically online.
A big part of finding myself in my 20s has honestly been just getting in touch with my middle school self. While this comes with mourning how much joy those things brought me and how I could have ever traded that in for acceptance, I have taken those feelings to align myself with what values I live by. I am unapologetically decorating my belongings with stickers or trinkets knowing there are others out there who have the same appreciation for the things I love. This is why the “weird girl” resurgence on TikTok is beyond comforting to me, knowing it is inviting others to unabashedly be themselves. This is something I know thirteen-year-old me would have appreciated.