As a little girl, everything I owned was pink. My bedroom walls were pink, my bed was pink, my pajamas were pink, even my toothbrush was pink. I loved wearing skirts and dresses because I felt like a disney princess every time I wore one. I never left my house without wearing bows in my hair, and I also loved wearing necklaces and bracelets. But as I grew into a society that scares women away from being feminine, I stopped liking girly things, one of them being the color pink.
Growing up, I made it a point to turn away from everything that represented femininity. When people would mention pumpkin-spice flavored things, I would avoid trying them at all costs. I didn’t really care about getting my nails done or getting cute haircuts. Listening to music by Taylor Swift was a no no. I also avoided baking or cooking so I turned to other hobbies like playing the cello and video games. And while these were fun, a small part of me wondered why I was trying so hard to turn away from things that could potentially bring me joy.
Slowly I realized that I was scared of fitting into the stereotype of a basic woman. One of the characteristics that made women “basic” and “girly” was, as I mentioned earlier, being obsessed with pumpkin-spiced things so I would refuse to try any of the Starbucks drinks, until one day, my friend recommended I try the Iced Pumpkin Cream Chai. At first I was hesitant but I wanted to make my friend happy so I still decided to give it a try. When that first sip hit me, I was in awe of how great the drink tasted. I honestly couldn’t stop sipping on it and next thing I knew, the drink was gone. That experience was one of the few that made me reflect later on that because of how much importance I had given to what others thought of me, I was missing out on things that I liked and enjoyed. Moments like this one led me to question who I was living life for and why I valued the opinions of others above my own.
Another experience that made me realize that maybe liking things that the stereotypical woman liked wasn’t horrible was the time when I began wearing dresses again to go to church. The first time I attended my church, I had witnessed so many girls that were in tune with their femininity and looked so confident and happy in their dresses. I was amazed but also felt left out because I didn’t feel like I could achieve feeling comfortable in my own skin. This whole time I had truly believed that being girly shouldn’t be part of my identity. However, I craved for the confidence and happiness that these girls reflected so I started wearing cute dresses and became more in tune with my feminine side. I realized that wearing dresses and doing girly things wasn’t what gave those girls confidence, it was being comfortable in knowing and being unapologetically themselves.
So I decided to give the color pink another chance. I started buying more pink clothes, a pink water bottle, and even a pink phone. Not just that, but I also let myself enjoy music from artists like Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo. Going to the hair salon, although at times expensive, became one of my favorite things to do. As I began to reincorporate things that were considered “girly” into my life, I felt like I was discovering a side of myself that I had hidden from the rest of the world, but most importantly, myself. After struggling to find who I truly am for so long, I feel like I can say that although I still have a whole lifetime to get to know myself, I no longer shy away from things just because I don’t want to fit into a stereotype. I’ve learned that it’s ok to like the same things as other people, I am still my own unique self. It’s not the things that I do that make me me, but who I am deep inside.