It’s almost impossible to avoid getting into a relationship during your time in college. Relationships can be a great thing – they teach us a lot about how to treat ourselves and how we should be treated by others. In a healthy relationship, there are tons of opportunities to grow as a person and thrive with someone else.Â
However, it is easy for a relationship to take a wrong turn and this is unfortunately a part of life. Have you found yourself skipping classes to make additional time for your significant other? Have you noticed that you will cancel plans with friends so you can have another movie night with your partner? Something a lot of people don’t discuss when it comes to relationships is also something that is not easily identifiable – codependency. Â
What is codependency? A word often referred to as “relationship addiction”, codependency is defined by Mental Health America as “an unhealthy dependence on relationships”, especially when it comes to romantic ones. It’s easy to find yourself getting carried away in a relationship. What may start as you ditching plans last minute one time to hang out with your partner can quickly turn into something that is unhealthy. Don’t worry – this is something that is very common within relationships in our generation and is not your fault! It can be difficult to break out of the habit, but there are several steps you can take to ensure that you are prioritizing yourself.
MAKE TIME FOR FRIENDS
Have you reached out to make plans with your friends recently? When in a codependent relationship, your brain can get clouded with the only person you want to focus on being your other half. Spending some time with your friends and catching up on the latest in your lives can be a great way to start deprogramming yourself. Besides, your friends definitely missed you!
HAVE A SELF CARE DAY
It’s common to start slacking off on your self-love and self-care when in a relationship. Something important to always remember is that you always come first. Your partner should also be prioritizing their own mental and physical health, so having a day where you can both start becoming your own person is insanely important to your well-being. Steve Carleton, a licensed clinical social worker remarks in an article about codependent relationships by Charlie Health that “having separate hobbies and interests can help both partners feel more independent, which will ultimately lead to healthier relationships overall”. This quote stresses the importance of finding and focusing on yourself outside of your relationship.
STAY ON TOP OF YOUR SCHOOL WORK
While in college, something that is often seen is when someone makes too much time for their companion, they spend less time studying and working on important assignments. Remind yourself that you are in college for an education – friends, organizations, and a partner are all just a bonus! Prioritize the assignments you need to complete and the tests you need to study for. Use a reward system while studying – after finishing your assignments or acing a test, go on a date with your significant other! You’ll feel so much better knowing that you completed your things without love getting in the way.
SET BOUNDARIES
Setting boundaries is an insanely daunting task. It can be scary to put your foot down, especially if boundaries had not been set in the past. Regardless of the time frame of your relationship, if you’ve either been dating for 3 days or 3 years, boundaries are important and can be set at any time. It is essential to reflect on your relationship and allow yourself to think about times where your lines have been crossed – intentionally or unintentionally. The importance of boundaries in breaking out of codependent relationships is discussed in an article on Charlie Health, where a licensed clinical social worker (Joni Ogle) gives her advice on codependency. A good partner will work with you to understand how you’re feeling and help you apply those boundaries, while also bringing up some boundaries for themself. Boundaries are scary, I get it, but they are the key to having a healthy relationship that is built to last.
There are so many other ways you can start breaking free from codependency to lead to a healthier relationship with you and your partner. If you do your research to better understand the signs of codependency, you and your significant other can start working towards prioritizing yourselves! While in college it’s important to surround yourself with people and hobbies that are beneficial to you. These are peak times for understanding yourself and learning more about the world around you.