Something that’s become clear to me after taking Psychology of Women is that women tend to underestimate their abilities to excel and perform everyday tasks in the STEM field, our own knowledge, and more. I didn’t really give much thought till my professor talked about it, and it’s still something I do without realizing. Things such as being too apologetic or being seen as less in your own field have become socialized. And you may not realize it as it may seem like your own norm, but here are some signs and what you can do to change it.
Apologizing in your emails, when passing by someone, or even when trying to pull out your wallet at the grocery store are all signs of insecurity on our ability to be a living, breathing being. These are all day-to-day things that everyone encounters. But there’s not really a reason for us to constantly be saying sorry when we could just say “excuse me,” “thank you for your patience,” or other phrases that aren’t apologetic. I’ve definitely had my fair share of saying sorry, especially when I worked as a cashier at a retail store. Tip: it’s better in my experience to say, “Thank you for waiting” instead of apologizing when you’re working as a cashier. I’ve definitely noticed that people are much happier when you thank them.
If you’re a woman in STEM, especially in classes geared towards engineering and other male-dominated courses, you’ve likely encountered someone cutting you off when you were trying to speak, perhaps on a group project or even by your own professors. Those small things add to your confidence and self-esteem in your major/career but don’t let that get to you. You’re doing your best, and you’re more than capable, so don’t start second-guessing yourself and your own abilities in the field. If someone cuts you off again, speak up and say something along the lines of, “Please let me finish speaking,” because you deserve respect like everyone else.
Another thing women underestimate is their ability to be a good partner or being a good mother, especially when both partners are working. There’s a term called “the second shift.” It was coined by Arlie Russell Hochschild’s novel, “The Second Shift,” in 1989. In it, she describes how women come back home from working and starting their second shift of caretaking, housekeeping, and the sorts. Even though the term was established in this context back in 1989, women still encounter issues of having the burden of upkeeping the household while their partners become less than helpful. Men statistically earn more than women of approximately 80 cents to each man’s dollar -typically much less for women of color- thus still being the breadwinner of their household, which can become a defense of, “I earn more than you, I can rest more at home,” or “I work harder because I earn more.”
Despite all the burdens these women encounter, they may think back on how they’re not being great mothers for them despite their efforts at work and at home. Household work and caregiving may be seen like typical tasks women go through. However, having a partner who contributes to the household improves the quality of life for your relationship and the household dynamic. In the future -or perhaps even now- look at your relationship and your household from a third-person perspective. This will allow you to truly see what you’ve contributed and be proud because you’re doing the best you can. Try to communicate with your partner, let them know what they can do, teach them if you have to, and have a talk if they don’t want to put the effort. Let’s change our social dynamic in society and understand that we’re doing the best we can. We are definitely capable of our own abilities.