For the longest time, and all throughout history, dating within the same race has been society’s “norm.” However, the world has changed since those earlier times and we are now living in the 21st century. Unfortunately for many, stereotypes have taken over the expectations people normally have. This will often shed a bad or negative light on many people who are interracially dating. As someone who has been involved in an interracial relationship, I have noticed certain reactions from others while we are dating. People across the globe have stereotypes set in their minds, but it is now time for those stereotypes to diminish.
For the sake of this article, I asked 10 people a few questions about how they feel about their interracial relationships. I will be using 3 responses I received in order to gain a deeper insight on how they view the public and other relationships outside of their own dating lives.
PUBLIC RESPONSE
Interview #1
What races do you and your S.O. identify?
“I’m black (female) and he’s white (male).”
Do you ever feel judged when you are with your partner in public?
“Literally all the time! Especially in College Station. He actually brought up once how he never really knew how it felt to always be watched everywhere you go until we started dating. So like, for instance, I’ll walk into a store and people will stare at me or the owner will ‘follow me around’ for a little while and then when he comes in to meet me they’ll suddenly stop following me or act like they were doing something else. It doesn’t happen all the time but it’s definitely happened quite a few times. Older people are also VERY open with their disapproval and will hardcore glare at us with no remorse.”
Have you ever been confronted by someone who is for/against your relationship?
“This happens pretty frequently too! In terms of people who have openly disapproved: One time a homeless guy in Austin asked us for money and when we said no we didn’t have cash on us he berated me for ‘being such a low life that I felt the need to date outside my race.'”
Interview #2
What races do you and your S.O. identify?
“I am Cambodian (female), which is in South East Asia and My S.O. is Caucasian (male).”
Do you ever feel judged when you are with your partner in public?
“I don’t feel judged whatsoever. There have been interracial couples before us and there will be plenty more after!”
Have you ever been confronted by someone who is for/against your relationship?
“I personally have been antagonized by quite a few relatives of mine for being with a white man. Some I used to be very close to, however, they did not approve of our relationship, thus I haven’t spoken to them since my S.O. and I started to date. They would call me dirty, white-washed, etc. and it got to a point where I was kicked out due to rumors that were not true about my S.O. (they said he was racist). I was then living with his family who has loved, sheltered and supported me to this day! Now, Our families (not including the relatives who despise him) get along very well. My yeay (grandmother) especially likes him, despite him being so shy.”
Interview #3
What races do you and your S.O. identify?
“I am Mexican American (female) and my boyfriend is African American/Ticos (from Costa Rica) (male).”
Do you ever feel judged when you are with your partner in public?
“Yes, when in public we get stared at all the time and we have both seen people go out of their way to point us out to the other people they are with.”
Have you ever been confronted by someone who is for/against your relationship?
“Yes for both. I have a (now ex) friend that messaged me about how she didn’t think it was a good idea to date someone outside of my race and that I should settle down with someone more of ‘my kind’. I never knew she felt that way until she messaged me that. In public we had a lady in her late 60s come up to us and tell us how great it was that we love each other and are open about it despite how much harder it is for interracial couples, especially for two pocs.”
While I just took a sample interview of people involved with interracial dating, I would like to still take into account that the amount of negative responses these people have recieved is outrageous. Although what you’ve just read is an even smaller sample of all the interviews that took place, you will see below how some of these couples have been affected by the negative responses of the public. Also, it is well known that, just like Romeo and Juliet, don’t let anyone stop you from falling in LOOOOVE!
LANGUAGE
For those involved with interracial dating, I know first-hand that I’ve had my fair share of experiences with language barriers. While my one and only language is English, my S.O.’s family speaks mostly Spanish. This has caused a barrier that prohibits me from forming a strong personal relationship with his family. However, like all people who date, this issue is more of a case-by-case situation that varies strictly on who you are dating.
Interview #1
Is language a barrier that separates you from your partner’s family (or vice versa)? If so, how do you find ways to communicate?
“Language in a way can be a barrier but not in the sense that we both don’t speak English as our first language. It’s more so that oftentimes when he meets my other friends (the majority of which are black) he’s pointed out that I’ll use different slang or speak a lot faster/informally so sometimes he has trouble following what we’re talking about (we’re all from Houston and he’s from west Texas, so a lot of the times it’s just using slang words that I legitimately don’t know that he’s never heard).”
Other than language, what proves to be the next largest barrier separating you from your partner?
“The other barrier separating us is probably upbringing! My family is from all over and settled down in the south later in life so they don’t really push any specific religion or anything on us, whereas his whole family is super religious and southern.”
Interview #2
Is language a barrier that separates you from your partner’s family (or vice versa)? If so, how do you find ways to communicate?
“Language is not a problem for me with his family. Vice versa it is a bit difficult for him to communicate with the family elders, however, he has been learning my family’s language and it has been going wonderfully! Currently, he greets, answers yes or no, and says goodbye in Khmer. But my family elders have learned to speak some English to communicate with him and vice versa.”
Other than language, what proves to be the next largest barrier separating you from your partner?
“There are quite a few. One is cultural differences. In my culture, we are very big on respecting elders, discipline and putting family above all else. His family allows for more leniency, and they do not use too much discipline (at least physically) on their kids. Food/diet is also different. Rice is a staple food for my family, along with meat, veggies and mini side dishes. His family eats tex-mex and they do not have rice as often as my family does. We also grew up in different classes of wealth. My family is poor and his is middle class.”
Interview #3
Is language a barrier that separates you from your partner’s family (or vice versa)? If so, how do you find ways to communicate?
“No, all of my family speaks English and he actually speaks pretty good Spanish.”
Other than language, what proves to be the next largest barrier separating you from your partner?
“There are like 2 or 3 people in my extended family that always have something negative to say about me dating a black man. And growing up I remember my one of my tios used to talk really negatively about black men so I just try and ignore them when they try and talk to me about it because its none of their business.”
CULTURE
Next, we move on to culture. Tradition is certainly something that plays a large role in how people are raised, therefore affecting their culture. In my own personal experience, I can say “culture shock” is a word that best describes my experience in my own relationship. It was during an October when I had first began dating my S.O., so the first time I entered his parent’s home they had made a shrine for Dia de los Muertos! Candles and other offerings were located at the shrine and it was full of photos and picture frames. I had never seen anything like this, so I was quite stunned. The only time I had seen these things were when they were depicted in movies!
Interview #1
Do you believe your relationship has broadened your world perspective?
“I definitely think so! Like I said, all my friends are from the same area and they all look like me. So, I grew up really comfortable with people who act and think like me and it wasn’t until dating him that I started stepping out of the box and really seeing other points of view. It’s also made me more aware of the boundaries you face when dating interracially, but luckily we’ve done a good job at finding ways to overcome them.”
Interview #2
Do you believe your relationship has broadened your world perspective?
“I believe our relationship has definitely let us gain insight into one another’s ‘way of life.’ The two of us come from completely different backgrounds, and that has allowed us to see what it was like living as the other. I came from poverty, raised with 4 other siblings, mother divorced (but remarried) and was a minority. He came from a small middle-class family with 2 older siblings who were already supporting themselves and lived as a ‘single child’ for most of his life. Thankfully, our families are nonjudgmental and accepting of us, as well as our cultures.”
What is your favorite part of your partner’s culture (and vice versa)?
“My favorite part of my S.O.’s culture is going to church with his family every Sunday! I wasn’t sure if they would accept me as a guest since I come from a Buddhist family, however, they were so wonderful to me and I try to attend every Sunday when I am in Brenham! My S.O. likes the food in my culture. I guess it could be because his family only really eats Tex-Mex. He tells me that the combination of flavors and the spices make the food really good!”
Interview #3
Do you believe your relationship has broadened your world perspective?
“Yes, most definitely. I’ve always felt like there was a large gap between the way black people are treated vs. Whites or light-skinned pocs and being with him has proven to me that that is most definitely true.”
What is your favorite part of your partner’s culture (and vice versa)?
“How friendly and really open they are. And his grandma always has really good natural remedies that she swears by that always end up working for some odd reason. I know for him his favorite part is my family dynamic. We are always getting together to have dinner and we spend every holiday/birthday together and growing up he said that he didn’t have a lot of that since most of his family doesn’t live in the states. So to go from a small family right to how big mine is is something he really enjoys because for the most part everyone is really loving and accepting of us.”
IN CONCLUSION…
Now that all has been said and done, I would like to reinstate the fact that no two relationships are exactly the same. I would also like to point out how beautiful it is to learn and fall in love with someone that grew up in an entirely different environment than yourself. I find this extremely fascinating. There has been a change in the world that allows people to be more accepting of who wants to fall in love with who, whether it has to do with sexuality, race, nationality, etc. However, there are still a few people left who are not so accepting of all of this. I am a firm believer that our world is on the right path to overcoming obstacles that stand in our way of living our lives to the fullest.