The Layers of Virginity Told From a College Student

Disclaimer: This is in no way meant to shame anyone for the status of their sexual life as everyone has different experiences. These are just the observations and experiences I would like to share regarding my personal sexual status. 

For the last couple of years, virginity has been a concept that I have found myself in this odd limbo of wanting to lose it, but also not ready to. Even when I had the opportunity to, I couldn’t seem to get out of my head. On one hand, I wonder why the concept of virginity is so symbolic as if I’m giving a part of myself away when I too am going through the experience. On the other hand, I understand it is a deeply personal decision that is different for everyone. I’ve grown to realize that my thoughts on my virginity have many layers.

Expectations gained from entertainment and real life 

Virginity is a concept that I see perceived in several different ways with both society and the media. I see a lot of movies where a character’s main trait is their virginity. Usually, this character is a girl who is innocent and portrayed as the “goody-two-shoes.” A perfect example is Wendy from the 1985 film St.Elmo’s Fire. If you aren’t familiar with the movie, Wendy is one of the main characters who is a college graduate. Her virginity is frequently mentioned throughout the movie and is a major part of her story arch. At the end of the movie, her love interest asks for her virginity as a going away gift before he leaves town. This was disappointing to me, it felt like her virginity was portrayed as a gift. While I understand it was her choice, I feel like a lot of films portray virginity as something that defines a character. 

A lot of these expectations arose from my own understanding as well. As I got older, I always wondered when I would be ready to lose my virginity. I developed a lot of expectations on what I thought losing it would be like.

While I really wanted this experience, I didn’t want to be disappointed or regret anything.

The Pressure

I always thought there had to be a time marker or period in my life that would be ideal for me to lose my virginity. I didn’t want to go to college as a virgin. There was a point in my first year of college where I just wanted to lose my virginity and get it over with. I thought this had to be the next step to adulthood, especially when a lot of my friends had already lost their virginity. I soon realized that all of this pressure was not necessary and that I didn’t need my virginity to find my identity. 

Virginity is something that I have learned to embrace instead of being ashamed that I still have it. Though it took a lot of personal reflection and acceptance, I realized that virginity doesn’t have to have a certain label to be justified. I don’t know when I’ll lose my virginity and that’s okay.

There is no template on how or when to lose it, and it’s different for everyone.  

• personal
• sex and relationships