It feels like a perfect night/ To dress up like hipsters /And make fun of our exes/ Uh-uh, uh-uh!!!
I turned 22 today! I vividly remember my first time listening to 22 by Taylor Swift on the way to school with my other Taylor-obsessed, 10-year-old friends. We all had a specific view of what 22 would like: glamorous, carefree, romantic. I imagined spending my 22-year-old weekends at elaborate parties, falling in love with gorgeous strangers, and effortlessly chasing my dreams.Â
Now 22, I listen to this song and laugh at how different my life looks compared to my 10-year-old vision. Life does not look as simple as I’d previously known. Sometimes, it feels suffocating. You encounter things that shatter your worldview in ways you don’t think you’ll recover from. But then you do. And you get to see the world in a new light- a light that uncovers deeper senses of meaning, gratitude, and presence in a way only made possible by the darkest times.
It’s become a birthday tradition for me to reflect on these experiences, documenting the lessons and coming-of-age worldviews I’ve picked up throughout the year. While my 22 lessons for 22 years are far different than my 10-year-old analysis of Swift’s lyrics, I am proud of my growth and the life I celebrate today. So, without further ado, here are my 22 lessons for 22 years to persevere the values, beliefs, or pieces of advice I held in 2024.
1. Give yourself Grace.
This is your first time experiencing life. It is impossible to navigate the oceans without experiencing some weather. Do not hate yourself for how you survived during storms. As I have gotten older, grace has been one of the most freeing feelings to lean into. Acknowledge that your feelings come from a valid place, you are doing your best to react to the challenges in front of you, and you can treat yourself with kindness along the way.
2. Get to know yourself, by yourself.
In June, on my drive to Florida, I read Between Grit and Grace by Dr. Sasha Shillcutt, a professor of anesthesiology at the University of Nebraska Medical Center. Sasha reflects on life lessons trying to navigate the societal expectations of balancing a career and family life as a woman. Of all the lessons she reflects on, she says the most important is spending time by yourself: “When we give ourselves time to understand and know our priorities, we can find the strength to live those priorities.” If you do not spend time alone, you might start to live the world’s priorities. Discovering what truly matters to you, what makes you feel like you have meaning in your life, comes from self-discovery and awareness. These traits are built by slowly getting to know yourself.
3. When love walks in the room, the atmosphere changes.Â
Love is powerful and disarming. Lean into it as much as possible.
4. Invest in your hobbies.
When life gets busy, my hobbies are the first thing to crumble, but my mental health tends to follow. Making time to invest in the things you love solely because you enjoy them is an expression of self-love. Do not let productivity anxiety keep you from investing in the things that will ground your identity.
5. Make Friends in your hobbies
Friends with shared interests will give you community, belonging, and inspiration. They will keep you accountable and remind you that you have to make time to do the things that revive you so you can put into the things that will sustain you.
5. find the fun in each day
Try to take a few moments just to have fun for the sake of it. Let yourself feel like a kid again. This is training you how to live in the present moment. Adulthood often feels different from childhood because we have lost the ability to be present.
6. trust yourself more than your environment
As I approach the end of college, I am constantly navigating opinions and advice on how to prepare for life after graduation, define my career goals, and identify what’s next. I find this advice sometimes clouds my judgment, disconnecting me from my point of view as I trust others over myself. When moving life stages, traveling between college and wherever life takes me, I try to remind myself of something my friend Jojo once said: trust yourself more than your environment. Trust that you have the tools within you to navigate whatever environment you may encounter.
7. Learn to listen, rather than wait to speak
Someone else’s perception may be completely different than your own. If you learn to listen, you will start to open your mind and an expanded perspective starts. Overcoming assumptions, as the Four Agreements recommends, begins with listening.Â
8. Exercise everyday
Like a plant needs water and sunlight to thrive, your body and mind need exercise to be their best. I’ve noticed that if I don’t take the extra steps to take care of myself, it’s easier for my mind to slip into anxious or depressive states of being. Make time for self-care, or you might be forced to.Â
9. Always be kinder than you Feel
As RuPaul says, I’ve always believed that kindness is the highest form of intellect. A kind perspective creates ripples of positive impact and it starts with a willingness to understand. Feelings are fleeting, but kindness is lasting.Â
10. Foster appreciation for connection
Don’t take for granted the small connections in your life: the barista at your local coffee shop, a coworker, or a classmate you pass walking through campus. Acquaintances, friends, strangers, and family all bring meaning to our existence. I once read a piece of advice on Co-Star that resonated with me: “Loneliness is being stuck on passing ships and forgetting you know how to swim.” Remember, connection surrounds you. Love surrounds you.Â
11. Your family and close friends will bring you home to yourself again and again and again
Value these connections. Make time for them. Fight for them. I once saw a sculpture that depicted love’s attempt to escape time’s inevitable triumph. I resonate with that. I often feel like as my responsibilities increase, I feel called to devote all of my time to success/my profession/the demands on my plate. The significance of love is lost to time spent solely on work. I hope to remember not to let love escape my time here.Â
12. Dress well
Your style is the first message you communicate to others. Communicate a message you feel confident in. Your confidence will send others unconscious messages to trust and believe in you.Â
13. Don’t get bitter just get better
Another quote from RuPaul. Anytime that life seems unfair and out of your control, figure out what you can control, make changes, and grow from the experience. Learning to grow with the flow will lead to peace rather than suffering. You give suffering power when you wish for an outcome outside of your control or resist changing gears.Â
14. Write
I have found my voice through writing. Perhaps more than that, I have found the confidence to share my voice. I hope to stay committed to writing, helping me expand who I am.Â
15. When Ed Sheeran said the best things in life are free for us, he spokeÂ
In a social-media-obsessed world that increasingly values materialism and followers, do not forget the free things in life that give us meaning: connection, education, nature, etc. You can find joy around you without needing to purchase anything. On a similar note, Martin Luther reminds us “every tree is far more glorious than if it were made of gold and silver.”
16. Recognize Art
Walking through the Kimbell Art Museum in Fort Worth, I once heard a stranger say, “That’s unfortunately the thing with artists — they don’t get recognized until it’s too late.” This reminded me to look for art in the present — to reflect on what aspects of my life may be viewed as art by the generations after me.
17. Practice Gratitude
Teach your mind to look for the positive things in your life. If you make gratitude a daily practice, your unconcious thoughts will stem from a place of gratitude.
18. You can plant the seed, but you won’t always get to see it bloom
This quote comes to you from a conversation I had with my friend Maddie when talking about growing apart friendships. In your 20s, your life is filled with change: personally, professionally, romantically, etc. Sometimes you will change differently than the people around you, but you must greet them where they are. You can share perspectives that have shaped you, and plant seeds that have grown you, but you will not always get to see the impact. Healed people may heal people, but they might not always get to see the process.
19. preserve love and trust on principle alone
The Amon Carter Museum in Fort Worth recently held an exhibit called Dario Robleto: The Signal. In the exhibit, Robelto displays sounds and recordings from NASA that would depict human life to extraterrestrials if humans ever ceased to exist. In this, he calls us to think about what we would want humanity to be remembered for. Robleto wants to be remembered for preserving love and trust for the sake of it, and I agree.
20. Worrying about the future will not create change
Sometimes we must act to change our thoughts, not the other way around.Â
21. Feelings don’t last foreverÂ
Just as sadness will pass, so will joy. Life is fleeting and filled with change, but that’s what makes it beautiful.
22. Failure doesn’t kill dreams, fear does.
Do not be afraid to give something your all. Try, fail, learn, and try again. Failure brings new opportunities. Fear keeps us stagnant.