I have been super blessed by incredible friends for most of my life. Even at times those times where I felt alone, or jealous of huge friend groups, I have always had a good friend who’s down to talk, grab dinner, or just hang out. As a member of the loneliest generation, I feel lucky to even say that.
High school alongside COVID-19 was a bit of a hard hit for friendships and it’s no secret that high school was not my favorite era. (Who wants to peak in high school anyway?) So, I entered college terrified and excited to meet new friends. Here’s everything I’ve learned in my two and a half years.
College Friendships
Speed Dating
At the beginning of college, you are going to have to speed date friends:
“Hi, I’m [insert name].”
“Hey, I’m [your new best friend? a forgettable conversation?].”
“Cool! What’s your major?”
End scene.
You will have this conversation over and over and over again. It is definitely boring, but at least everyone is in the same spot. I recommend trying to find common ground or making a joke. For whatever reason, this tells the other person that you want to be friends a lot more than small talk.
The nice thing about the beginning of college is that no one takes finding friends too personally. I know for a fact I have had this conversation with at least 100 people I could not now recognize. Neither of us care. Finding your people at college is not personal.
Hang Outs
Shout out to the girl who has floated around friend groups your whole life! College will suit you well. You know how different friends can serve very different purposes? If you didn’t, college is the time to learn.
Sometimes, a friend is truly transferrable. You can go to the bars and to church with them. Sometimes you are just meant to go to the bar with them. That’s okay. Realize that friendships do not have to be all-encompassing in order to add value to your life. It’s okay if the friend you sit next to in class is just that, a class friend.
A disclaimer: don’t be afraid to invite friends into different parts of your life! It doesn’t always meld, but when it does it is so exciting!
Drama
I was totally expecting, if not a complete overhaul, then at least a decrease in drama in college. And I can tell you, it definitely lessened but I have been thoroughly advised and convicted that it never goes away. I mean, let’s be real, we all know older ladies with tea, so why would college be any exception?
For the most part though, there are way less expectations to play into it. We are all adults (crazy but true) and we have the freedom and newfound ability to walk away. College is a big place; don’t let drama suck you in.
Mutual Friendships (Networking)
Sometimes friends are friends, but they are also connections. Do not be afraid to lean on friends in your major/career track and let them lean on you. These people may not be bestie-material, but they will always be a good conversation. They’re interested in what you are interested in! What’s better than that?
I would classify these as coffee-shop, class, or club friends. They are sort of like co-workers and sort of like mentors. These college-specific friendships are unique and so important to succeeding in your course of study!
Let go of the pressure
You do not need to find your bridesmaids. You do not! Yes, college is a wonderful place to make connections but so is work, so is your gym, so is life. Do not pressure yourself into friendships that do not serve you! Do push yourself to meet new people and grow your circle, though.
I mean think about it. If making friends is a chore, it completely takes the joy out of it! You are under no obligation to create a long-lasting friend group because that’s what we see in Friends or How I Met Your Mother. Let go. Friendships are important, but they should be fun too!
Future Friendships
Friendship skills, like the skills you are learning in college, are transferable. I do think there is a certain art to being a good friend. Maybe I will write about that another time. I want to end with this; any step you take towards making a friend counts, even if the person you approach rejects you. That’s valuable experience. You are one step closer to making a good, life-enriching friend.