I used to hate my skin. Some days, I still do. When so many things around us tell us that acne is bad and ugly, what other relationship are we supposed to have with our skin? I remember so many times during my childhood when a pimple would appear on my face, and I would cry and cry about it. I remember using my mom’s concealer in elementary school before I even knew that makeup was more complex than my toy blush and mascara. It sucked.
For some personal information, my acne got so bad in middle school that I ended up starting a medicine called Accutane at the end of my eighth-grade year. Accutane is a pill that essentially dries your skin out as much as it can in order to combat heavy acne on the face or other parts of the body. Accutane was hard. I got more acne and redness before the medicine actually started helping. This is what always happens with this medication: it gets worse before it gets better. I also had the driest skin of my life and was constantly getting rashes and cracking my lips. I stayed really frustrated for a long time because I had started this medication to make the pain and the shame go away, not to amplify it. In the end, I kept taking the pills two months after the recommended time because I needed more. When it was finally done, it had truly helped my skin. If I broke out, it would be one spot at a time and my face wasn’t constantly in pain.
After I stopped, though, I expected to be magically exempt from acne and hormones. This was quite unrealistic, but I am only now beginning to let go of that idea. I had to understand that what I went through helped me and my pain relief. That was the important part. I couldn’t expect to have perfect movie-star skin because acne is so much more than that. Here are the reminders I have to tell myself quite often:
ACNE IS HORMONAL AND GENETIC
When I am stressed, I break out. This is simply how the human body works. I have to remind myself to not get angry at this because it just adds to that stress level. It is a vicious cycle, and if I want to work on my stress in important areas of my life, I cannot be adding to that with stress over something as small as a zit. Also, some people have genetics that make them more susceptible to these skin conditions. There is literally nothing that can be done with that, so trying desperately to change the things my body is predisposed to is exhausting and not realistic.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO COVER IT UP EVERY SECOND
I’m not here to tell anyone never to use makeup, but I do have to remind myself that no one in my daily life is judging me if I have some spots on my face. It’s okay not to cover up to go to class or the grocery store. In fact, it’s usually healthier and makes the breakout clear faster. I absolutely will cover a spot if I am going somewhere where I want to dress up, and that is normal and okay! However, a pimple is not something to be constantly ashamed of. It is natural and says nothing about someone’s beauty.
THIS IDEA IS BEING SOLD TO YOU
Companies that sell makeup are still companies. Companies that sell fashion magazines are still companies. Their main goal is profit, and an unfortunately easy way to generate a profit is to feed on people’s insecurities. When I read something telling me to try a new really expensive cream to magically remove any acne that ever will appear, I have to stay skeptical. I’ve tried so many things for my skin and some have worked while others have not. I always just want to remind myself that I need to buy these products only when that thing it helps with is physically or emotionally harming me. If not, it is so easy to fall victim to these marketing tactics.
At the end of the day, I want everyone to know that they are beautiful no matter what their skin looks like. I wish someone would have complimented me when my face was full of spots because I was so young and already harbored so much hatred for my skin and my face. Being a woman in the world we live in is hard; there is no way around that. Instead of being celebrated, we are constantly compared, and I desperately want to stop putting that pressure on myself for something as inconsequential as acne. I hope that some or all of my own testimony here can help others feel that way too. Your beauty is not determined by whether or not your skin is clear, and your worth is not determined by your societally-deemed beauty.