As generations have passed, women are increasingly in the public sphere. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, women’s participation in the labor force outside of the home grew from 32.7% in 1948 to 56.8% in 2016. This increase was largely influenced by the earning expansions for women during World War Two and the slowly evolving societal realization that women can take on (and desire) more roles in society.
As a senior in college, I have been feeling a lot of pressure recently. With hopes of being a clinical psychologist, I wonder if I will get into graduate programs, where I will live, and what impact I will make. I expect my bachelor’s degree in psychology this spring, joining the more than 40% of women in the labor force that have college degrees as of 2016, compared to the 11% in 1970. My ability to pursue a degree, to be stressed about my future career in psychology, and to have a choice is an opportunity many of the women before me never got, women including my mom and her mom.
My gratitude for my freedom of choice stemmed from a conversation I had with my Grammie Em yesterday, my 88-year-old grandma on my dad’s side, and one of the core mentors and friends in my life. As I talked about my plans after graduation, my grandma reminisced on her days as a student; “In my day, women had three choices: be a nurse, a teacher, or a secretary. We didn’t think much of it. It was just how it was. I was happy to do it.” Once Grammie Em ended the call, I stopped to meditate on what I was previously stressed about — work, research, and grad school applications. What beautiful problems. What beautiful choices.
The Gender Praise Gap
My grandmother was 18 when some women started to have the access to explore work in the public sphere. Her mother was a teacher and she studied to become a nurse, later returning to school to pursue her master’s in nursing. Despite my grandma’s flourishing career as a nurse, with all of the expectations and time that go into a career, she held herself to an incredibly high standard as a mom. She attended university while raising two boys, making breakfast, lunch, and dinner, driving them to activities, and helping with homework while balancing her other roles in the public sphere. She did all of this with a smile. She was happy to do it.
My grandpa, a gentle, kind man was an amazing father and husband, but he did not have as many expectations placed upon him. He was not expected to cook, to clean, to do many things at home. When he participated in home activities, he was praised. When my grandma participated at home, it was expected. While I exist in a generation where many more women have various choices for careers and more balanced gender roles in relationships, the gender praise gap still exists.
I give this example of my grandmother’s experience to highlight how many generational systems we have inherited. Women in the workplace is a relatively new phenomenon, a privilege that we inherited from our great-grandmothers, grandmothers, and mothers, a privilege that they fought for. As our ancestors started in the public sphere, the expectations for their role in the domestic sphere did not evolve; they were expected to put the same effort into domestic labor as they had before, doubling their workload, with twice the expectations, yet receiving the same amount of praise and help.
Most people have accepted and welcomed mothers in the workplace. Most people have also questioned a mother’s ability to balance her career with raising her children. As generations pass, we do not forget the expectations placed on those before us and ourselves. Maggie Smith highlights these expectations frequently in her memoir You Could Make This Place Beautiful; “I wonder how will my children feel if they think that being seen as a mother wasn’t enough for me. What will they think of me, knowing I wanted a full life — a life with them and a life in words too? I’m dog-earing a realization in my mind now. I don’t think fathers are asking themselves these questions. Fathers don’t feel guilty for wanting an identity apart from their children because the expectation is that they have lives outside of the home.” I’m dog-earing this realization as well. And I urge you to do the same. What expectations do you have for your mom? For your female coworkers? For your wife or future wife? For yourself?
As we inherited failed societal systems, there are still many cracks to fill. We must raise the expectations of our brothers, fathers, and grandpas in the private sphere. We must raise these expectations to be equal to our expectations of women in the public and private spheres, raise the praise for women’s domestic labor to match that of men’s, and eliminate the gender praise gap to make the world a better place for our daughters and sons.