Forming habits leads to a balanced and predictable life that helps manage stress, self-doubt, and other negative, degrading emotions. Dr. Julie Smith explains in her book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before that a routine is a foundational basic; it might not feel fun or look pretty, but it is one of the things that keeps a person going. The hardest part of starting a new habit is maintaining it for the first two weeks. Even though it is hard, it is not impossible.
Research says that it takes about 10 weeks to build a new habit … but how do we get through those 10 weeks?
Start simple
Building habits doesn’t need to be a nosedive into the things you struggle with the most. If you start off steady, ensuring that you make a routine and habit of things you already tend to do pretty easily, forming those more difficult habits will start to become easier.
To start, make sure you have one thing you do every morning, one thing you do every evening, and something you can manage throughout the day.
- Morning
- Get out of bed
- Get dressed
- Go outside for a certain amount of time (or more)
- Open your shades
- Evening
- Drink a glass of water
- Wash your face
- Brush your teeth
- Throughout the day
- Drink water
- Take a stretch break
- Go on a five-minute walk outside
By starting this way, you can eventually grow to build habits you have been struggling to dive straight into.
Reward System
One great way to get through simple and difficult new habits is a reward system.
The book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before by Dr. Julie Smith talks about many things to help guide in life in an accessible therapeutic strategy format. One of the major things discussed across chapters is the concept of “motivation” and what can be done to increase it. The first step to creating habits is the motivation to start and continue through with it. One commonly mentioned approach is a reward system. A reward does not have to be anything large, and it doesn’t have to be a physical thing; a simple mental reward works just as well if not better. Being able to take the time and recognize what you are doing well and tapping yourself on the back for it helps your brain release serotonin and dopamine necessary to keep going.
One good practice that you can do anywhere is verbally saying “I did that” or “I am proud of myself.” If you are scared to say it in public, firstly it is nothing to be ashamed of, but secondly, it is okay to whisper it for only you to hear. Being able to take a couple of seconds to recognize yourself and turn everything in your brain to focus on saying one or both of those phrases is the best way to reward yourself internally.
Now, there are always ways you can reward yourself externally. A common thing could be a sweet treat, a restful break, a walk, or anything that brings you joy. Ultimately, you want to make sure that this reward is also restful and restorative to you. If you take a break from your task, allow yourself to just breathe and stretch rather than taking that “break” to do other less mentally demanding things like going through your emails.
For each person, this is going to look different, but one great way is an app; I personally use Finch. The app Finch is a habit-tracking app that gives the “reward” of taking care of your own “pet bird.” To start, you will fill out a survey so they can guide you on what simple habits you can start with based on what you want to work on. With each task you achieve each day, points will be gathered for your bird to grow older and for you to customize your bird. As you build these habits, you can start adding your own goals that you want to achieve. You can set goals to be a single day or to be repeated. For goals that you set for a single day, you can use this for homework or to just start easy on hard tasks. For goals that you repeat, you can have it repeat daily or on certain days.
When it comes to rewarding yourself, it is all about you. So, make sure that whatever it is, you are happy, at ease, rested, and releasing your serotonin and dopamine to fill your brain.
give yourself grace
In the end, we are just human, we aren’t perfect. When you form new habits, there’s lots of trial and error. You might succeed after the first try, but more likely than not, you will relapse into bad habits or forget about the good ones you are trying to form. For example, if you are trying to form the good habit of making your bed every morning but one morning you missed your alarm and you had to run out of the house so you couldn’t make your bed; know that it is not going to destroy your habit making. When forming new habits, it is very common to be in the mindset of “all-or-nothing,” which causes you to feel that you have failed or think that it is all over. This mindset, however, leads you to further obstructions and even giving up on the path you have been on. It is all about grace and perseverance. No matter if you miss a day or a week even, keep pushing forward to accomplish what you want to accomplish in the best way fit for you!