Turning 20 means saying goodbye to those silly teenage years and welcoming in the ever-so-exciting terms and conditions that come with adulthood.
Up until last year, I welcomed the milestone of being a year older, excited to finally be 20. Now that I am 20, I don’t want to get older.
Funny how that works. I feel that we spend most of our time throughout childhood wishing to be older, idolizing people and ages. At age 8, we couldn’t wait to be a double-digit midget. When we were 10, we couldn’t wait to be 13, excited to finally be considered a teenager. Then 16 came along. Halfway through our teenage years, we celebrated finally being able to get a driver’s license. Next time we blink, we’re 18 and finally elated to be considered legal adults, but what exactly made us adults?
So, we continue to wish and pray, hoping that our 21st arrives swiftly. For it is then- and only then- that we will actually be adults.
And throughout these eventful and fast-paced years, adults tell us “Don’t wish it away so quickly.” “Enjoy it while it lasts.” “Before you know it, you will be old and wrinkly like me.” and “Get ready, it’s all downhill after 21.”
But like most of the advice our mentors offer, we ignore it, only to realize years later how right they were.
For me, this realization was slammed in my face when I turned 20. Instead of wishing to be one more year older, I found myself looking in the mirror and not recognizing the view.
Where did the time go? How can I be so different from the girl I knew so well a few years ago? How did I get here? Is this where I want to be? Am I who I want to be? Would 5-year-old me be proud of the life I have today?
See, turning 20 is such a funny thing. It is like trying to find your mom when you got lost in the grocery store as a kid— scared and anxious in an unfamiliar place with no one to protect you from the rhythm of the real world.
Maybe… turning 20 is a quarter life crisis?
A moment when you aren’t much of a kid anymore, but not fully independent. Floating in the middle of a sea of the unknown and intense anxiety. How do we go about it?
I wish I could tell you what to do and that it’s not going to stick around for long. But the truth is, I am going through the motions just like everyone else, unsure of where it will take me. But what I do know is, just because it is a “crisis,” doesn’t mean it should be considered a negative experience. Instead, I have welcomed it as an experience of personal growth.
For months after turning 20, I felt uncomfortable with who I was and anxious about what my future holds. But a few things have kept me grounded and helped me in embracing the uncomfortable:
- That I have experienced these feelings before, and therefore, this too shall pass
- It is in the uncomfortable, that we grow the most
- Once you spend time alone with yourself, you begin to understand who you are as a person. Once you find comfort in who you are and what sets your soul on fire you realize that you don’t need to show up for anyone but yourself.
- Growth is not a linear process.
Keeping these four points in mind has helped me find motivation each day to continue on my growth journey, even if it feels like all odds are against me. If you are also experiencing the discomfort of change that comes within your 20s, know that you aren’t alone and remember that sometimes we must go through uncomfortable situations to grow into the people we want to be.