I’m guessing you have a lot on your shoulders, as is our way, so I’ll keep this brief and get right to the point. I’m here to tell you, very simply, that you are enough.Â
Now I know that goes against our typical mindset of “I have to do more, I’m not doing enough, I need to be better, I need to be perfect,” etc. Eldest/only daughters are raised like boys, in a patriarchal sense, as these beacons of strength and resilience. We are raised with a sense of masculinity that encourages us to strive for perfection, fix everything and everyone around us, and never show weakness. In other words, you probably work so hard to make sure everyone else is doing well, but I highly doubt that you give that same love and attention to your delicate soul.Â
I’m going to let you in on a little secret – it is not your job to make everyone else happy. Does that sound mean to you? Good, then you are my target audience. Being the oldest or only girl in your household can often lead to feeling an intense responsibility to be selfless and tend to others’ needs. Then, in my experience, doing something remotely self-indulgent for once can make you feel awfully selfish and bad. I honestly don’t believe it’s worth much to be a giving person, though, if that care and kindness doesn’t extend to yourself. Â
As an only daughter, I have struggled with constant anxieties regarding not being good enough. Not being a good enough daughter, sister, friend, student, and overall, person. That’s the thing about being an only daughter, although I’m the youngest, I have still experienced being treated like I’m indestructible. After any outburst growing up, I was called “sensitive.” I learned to suppress how I felt until I completely lost sight of who I was, and my life became about watering myself down for other people. I spent so long feeling like a therapy/self-help/mediating robot. Â
After all, when you’re a people pleaser, where does that leave you? If you keep living your life with the sole purpose of pleasing those around you, I don’t think you’ll ever know the peace that you deserve. What are you going to do when there’s no one else to please or take care of? What is your purpose then? Who are you, alone and unattached? Would there even be anything left after you’ve drained yourself to give life to people who wouldn’t do the same for you?Â
You are not perfect, and you never will be. You are going to say the wrong thing, make horrible mistakes, accidentally hurt people, and even after all that, guess what? You are still enough. I think it’s time you start giving yourself the freedom to be a messy and imperfect human being. I’ll even say the thing you’re not supposed to say – I think it’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes. Â
Sincerely, an only daughter who is still figuring out how to love herself like she loves others.Â
P.S. – If you are not the eldest/only daughter but you feel this letter applies to you in any way, I welcome it wholeheartedly. Your struggles are valid, and I hope this article gives you solace.