When someone who you thought would be your friend for the rest of your life, suddenly is not anymore, it can be hard to cope with. Romantic relationship breakups are very difficult to deal with, but friendship breakups can be just as hard. Whether it is someone who you spent your life growing up with by your side or a newer friendship, losing that person can lead to many overwhelming emotions.
This year I went through a very unexpected and sudden friendship breakup. It was with someone who I had known my whole life and had considered family. This person knew almost everything about me from things on the surface such as my favorite foods and favorite music, to my most personal secrets. The thought of this person no longer being friends with me had never even crossed my mind. I assumed that this person would be there for all my future milestones and special moments.
When an argument broke out with this person, my other friends and I, we did not assume much because we were all close so close and would get into occasional disagreements from time to time. I thought we would have a healthy conversation about the situation and then move on. I did not think that my other friends and I were wrong in the situation, but this person felt otherwise. In the end, this disagreement led to them leaving the friend group.
At first, I felt sad as I replayed all the fun and happy moments in my head. I could not understand how this person was okay with just not being friends anymore. Then it was feelings of anger and betrayal. I felt angry that they were able to just “give up” on the friendship and not want to work through any issues that were happening. I felt betrayed that they were choosing the importance of another relationship over this one, which is where part of the problem stemmed from.
While I was still happy and content with the other friendships in my life, it felt weird at first to lose a part of my friend group. It felt weird that there was someone out there who I used to talk to everyday and now was most likely never going to speak to again.
I first had to accept the reality of the situation. I had to feel the sadness and feel the anger until it was out. I also had to recognize that as I grow up people are going to change. I realized that sometimes people outgrow each other and end up taking different paths in life and that is okay. Although it was a loss, I accepted that it was most likely time for this friendship to end because we were not the same people anymore.
While trying to process all these emotions I struggled with the fact that I would not have a chance to say everything I wished I had gotten to. To get past this feeling, I wrote everything down in a journal. I wrote about why I was angry, why I was upset, and why I felt so betrayed in the situation.
It did not matter if they would have disagreed with what I wrote because it was how I personally felt, and it was for no one else to read except me. Once I felt like I got everything out that I needed to, I closed the journal and felt like I could let my mind drop all these thoughts that were once filling it.
I then switched my focus to appreciating the relationships that remained in my life. I was fortunate to have my other friends to talk to about the situation who were all feeling similar emotions about it. I also over time developed new friendships and reconnected with older friends that I had lost current contact with.
I did not want to spend all my time focusing on what was lost but focus on relationships that remained strong and that brought more positive things into my life.
This person will not be my future bridesmaid anymore and I do not know what is going on in their life anymore. From time to time, I will come across a funny picture or video memory that makes me appreciate some of the good things that I got from that friendship, but I can still recognize that what happened in the end was for the better for both sides.
Getting over a friendship breakup is never a fun thing to do, but it is important to process everything in a healthy way so that you can continue to grow current relationships and even start new ones that bring positivity into your life.