Going through heartbreak is never easy, especially when it is not on your own terms. It can feel like the world is ending or like you are losing a part of yourself.
This past Spring, I went through a breakup that I thought I would never get over. I remember one day, I sat down and listened to Taylor Swift’s newest album- The Tortured Poets Department– which I very frequently listened to during this time to cope with how I felt. In Taylor’s one song “Peter” she says that “Love’s never lost when perspective is earned.” These lyrics helped me change the way I felt about my breakup, and felt about myself afterwards. I learned that although this relationship was over, I was able to use the breakup to gain a new perspective after it and use it to create growth in myself. The heartbreak was hard, but I was able to come back from it even stronger.
The Aftermath
The first few days felt like they would never end. I laid in bed for the entire day and cried until I tired myself out. I was both physically and mentally drained and could not even imagine being able to return to my everyday life. However, like everyone told me- even though I did not want to believe them- time did begin to heal everything. I slowly worked my way towards getting back into my everyday life and finding small moments of happiness each week.
When I finally built up the courage to write about it, I started to journal about my days and keep track of how I was feeling. I was also incredibly lucky to be surrounded by friends and family who care about me deeply and were there to pick me up when I needed it. Although I was beginning to feel better as time went on, I still knew that I had to work through the heartbreak myself and reflect on the relationship to truly grow from the experience.
Reflecting and Growing
I began to be able to recognize the relationship for what it was. Of course, no one is ever perfect in a relationship and although it would have been easier to just place all the blame on someone else, I knew that doing that would not help me heal fully. I was aware that we had both messed up at different points and that, in the end, we just were not a good fit for each other- and it wasn’t going to work out. I took time to focus on my strengths as well as my weaknesses, and figure out what my all my nonnegotiable expectations would be for my next relationship.
I also spent a lot of time thinking about the parts of myself that I had let go of during that previous relationship. When I really looked at it for what it was, I could recognize that I lost myself at some point during it and was not the same, happy person I was before. I took this time as an opportunity to explore new areas of life and revisit old activities I once loved doing. I started to get back into some of the hobbies I had let go of before, like playing tennis, reading, journaling, and baking. I found ways to spend time with myself and still feel content.
Even in moments of sadness, I tried to look towards the future with a positive eye. I accepted that I was not feeling my best in the present moment while also remembering that I would not feel this way for the rest of my life. I learned a lot of valuable lessons through this heartbreak and was appreciative of the fact that I had new standards and expectations for myself and my future partner. Just like Taylor Swift said, I had gained a whole new perspective on love and relationships- with both myself and with others.
Looking Towards the Future
I spent my time being newly single getting to know myself better and making sure I was in touch with myself and my emotions. My mind and my body were the most important things to take care of in the weeks following my breakup. I motivated myself with constant reminders that all the work I was putting in right now was going to better my future. No matter how many moments I found myself randomly saddened by memories, I kept working towards building the future life that I saw for myself. The future may have looked different than I imagined when I was in this relationship, but that did not mean that it would look any less bright.
In the end I am grateful that my breakup turned me into the person I am today. Sometimes I obviously wish that I did not have to experience this feeling of loss, but I am glad that I was able to build myself back up into someone even better than I was before- and learn to experience new love again.
Love and loss are a difficult but real part of life. With my heartbreak came new perspectives, and I will always be grateful for that. I am proud of the person I am today and am happy to have been able to use this experience to learn for myself.