When I was five-years-old I was a bride for Halloween. I probably should have realized then that I was never going to be the girl that “didn’t believe in marriage” or “didn’t see the point in having kids.” No, I was more the opposite as in weddings and marriage seemed magical and the idea of being a mom seemed… inevitable.
And now, just 16 years later and I still feel the same way (somewhat). Sure, my thoughts on marriage and motherhood are less naïve then they once were, but the foundation has remained. Being the only child of divorced parents influences my views on marriage and motherhood probably a little more than I’d like to admit. It on one hand assures me that I want a big family, and on the other hand assures me how difficult that will be.
I think the appeal of motherhood comes from a place of wanting a family of my own. It comes from a place that still feels robbed of my own childhood family fairytale and is determined to do better for the next generation.
This is not to say that my goal in life is to be a stay-at-home mom because honestly I don’t think I could ever see myself in that position (at least not long term). I am a driven college senior who is pursuing a competitive career that I will not only support me financially but also inspires me creatively. To give up journalism and writing would mean giving up a part of myself, a part that is too large to spare.
So I find myself wanting two things that you don’t often see together. I want the career and I want the family. Now some may say that it’s impossible to “have it all,” and that’s fine because I don’t want to have it all. But I don’t think it’s unrealistic to want something that men have been guaranteed since the beginning of time. I shouldn’t have to give up a huge part of what makes me, me just because I also want to have a family.
So yes, I am the first person to stick up for women’s rights and shoot down misogyny when I hear it, but I am also the first person to discuss my favorite baby names or how many kids I want to have. I don’t think that makes me unique and I don’t think that makes me an anomaly. The fact that I have a wedding Pinterest page yet am nowhere close to getting engaged doesn’t make me a “bad feminist.” The fact that I have wondered what my kids’ personalities will be like and what they’ll be passionate about doesn’t make me any less of a millennial.
Instead I think my feminist independence yet want to be a mom is evidence that progress has been made. It was a breakthrough when women could choose between a career and a family. But now the breakthrough is that women don’t have to choose. If I’m being honest I don’t think I’ll feel completely fulfilled if I never have children. I also don’t think I would feel completely satisfied unless I went after my career goals with everything I have.
I am a multi-dimensional woman who gets excited thinking about running a magazine one day and driving my future daughter to (insert sport of choice) practice. And honestly, isn’t that what feminism is all about anyway?