Dear Val, Vale, Lola, Lulu (whatever your family liked to call you at the time),
We’ve come so far from the little girl moving to the United States from Colombia not knowing a word of English, having unstable friends, and parents so busy with medical school. I wish I could go back and let you know that speaking Spanish is not embarrassing like many of your classmates made it seem. You did go to a predominantly White elementary and middle school, but those words shouldn’t have gotten to you. I now have a job at an optometrist’s office where speaking Spanish makes the difference between someone getting the services they need and not (quite literally getting to see the world clearly or not!). The number of patients that seem relieved to find out that a staff member understands them is so heartwarming. You took AP Spanish in eighth grade and didn’t have to spend any of your college tuition on Spanish classes. But most of all, you can talk to your family members in ways that your little siblings (who don’t know the language as proficiently) cannot. Remember when your cat, Honey, died? You thought the world was ending and though the tears didn’t stop for days, I now have one of my own. His name is Cookie and he loves to make biscuits on sherpa blankets. He likes to eat my feet at night and cuddle when doing homework.
Vale, I know you were worried about getting into college because your SAT scores were never close to 1600 and you were so shy to join clubs because you thought no one would want you. I’m here to tell you that you were a joy to be around, always carrying a smile and looking out for the well-being of others. You’ve always been likable :) I wish you had never been ashamed of your personality— the ambivert who loves staying in and watching movies but also going out to party. It’s okay to take time to rest, you weren’t “lame” for sleeping enough and enjoying yoga (even though you were always the youngest one in classes lmao). I wish you hadn’t tried so hard in school because it gave you tremendous amounts of unnecessary stress.
I wish a therapist would’ve been there to calm your nerves. Thankfully, I have a therapist now who has helped me love myself and recover from an eating disorder. It makes me sad to think that you became so obsessed with your body that you isolated yourself from the world. You never thought a guy would like the real you: curvy with caramel skin and licorice eyes. But they do. I now have a boyfriend who is the best guy in the world. You spent countless moments thinking you’d be single forever, that was quite silly of you. He treats me like the princess I’ve always been. He’s helped you understand that it’s okay to rely on other people and let yourself be loved. I don’t know what I’d do without him. Lulu, you thought you wanted to go to med school and I’m here to tell you those were some crazy thoughts. You wanted to do what would give you money and not what you really wanted. I’m now studying social work and happier than ever. I dream of being a child & adolescent therapist.
Life will figure itself out,
don’t let the anxious thoughts win.
We’re doing great.
Love,
Valentina (2023)