Okay, collegiates, let’s chat because things are about to get real, real fast. It’s that time of year again, OU weekend! And I want the sooners to win about as much as I want to kiss that guy in Dallas with ebola. Which for clarification means, I don’t. At all… maybe flirt with him, have him buy me a couple of drinks to keep it entertaining, but at the end of the night I want to go back to the hotel nice and happy with the non ebola guy who goes to Texas. AKA Hook ‘em. And let’s win this thing!
So there are some do’s and don’ts of this weekend that as someone who has personally never attended Red River Weekend, feels she is qualified to say, I almost went once but to say the least that didn’t pan out. So as a self proclaimed expert these are the basic, don’t dance on raised surfaces rules.
#1. Don’t dance on raised surfaces. All weekend… just avoid them all.
PREP
Step 1. Get a date.
Step 2. Actually meet the guy one of your sisters set you up with that you blindly agreed to spend 48 hours with. Decide now if you’ll even consider sleeping with him, sounds silly but nothing gets girls in bed faster than alcohol and a win against OU, come Sunday you don’t want to be texting your sisters “#noregrets?” yes. regrets.
Step 3. Cooler!! Get one, find your inner sorority girl and craft the s*%t outta that bad boy. Remember, this is a gift for your date, it’s not yours, don’t design it for the 21 year old basic bitch inside of you. Same principle applies with alcohol. It is your responsibility to provide it!!
BUS
Step 1. Don’t be late. I normally wouldn’t condone skipping class, but someone has spent a lot of money for this event and you don’t want to be the girl that a bus of 60 people is waiting for. If you’re going with a frat, most of them have multiple busses leaving at different times, tell your date when you’re out of class.
Step 2. You can’t take glass on a bus. Don’t do it. Get a flask, get a cloth cooler.
Step 3. Don’t vomit, make out, have sex, cry, yell, or sing on the bus. Traffic is killer, and I know you’ll drink, hell blackout if that’s your thing, just keep in mind, what happens at OU doesn’t stay at OU. It comes back to Austin and come Monday you have to face the consequences.
Step 4. Bring snacks and water!
FRIDAY NIGHT
You’ll need to bring a downtown outfit because chances are you’re going out on Friday! Just remember, kick off is at 11:30 Saturday, which means you’ll probably need to be up and ready to leave by around 9:30… which won’t be fun with a killer hangover. Pop some advil and chug some water as soon as you get back and go to bed!
GAME TIME
Step 1. Boots, beers, and Burnt orange. These are the essentials of game day. Especially THE game day. We want to show up and look our best so that the Oklahoma girls feel inadequate. Classic. This way if we lose we’ll still feel good about ourselves.
Step 2. Come early. Stay late. Get Loud. Wear orange.
Step 3. Don’t cry if (see. when) we lose to the wagon draggers. It will be displayed on a jumbotron and you will become a world famous meme. And not the funny cat kind. You don’t want to be named the face of the Texas football program. Although it was pretty funny when it happened to this kid.
Step 4. Give ‘em HELL! And download this ultimate game day song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTD13tkPXTM
Quick Packing List:
-water/gatorade
-advil
-tampons
-clean underwear (I’ve seen people forget)
-phone charger
-condoms/ birth control (!!!consent is an ENTHUSIASTIC YES!!!)
-IDs/money