I love when the topic of roommates gets brought up because it gives me the chance to brag about how my roommates and I struck the perfect friend/roommate balance in our relationships. Here’s some context:
Coming into UT, I had no idea who I would room with, since none of my friends were in the same living situation as me. While browsing roommate matching apps, trying to find someone who matched my vibe, a friend mentioned that one of her friends was also looking for a roommate. Slightly desperate by that point, I set up a meeting with her and brought our mutual friend along as a buffer.
We ended up hitting it off, bonding over shared interests like Taylor Swift and terrible movies. Luckily, we realized we were super compatible and decided to room together. When we signed up for a dorm, we got a suite, meaning we’d have two other people sharing a bathroom with us. And by some strange luck, the two people who ended up in the room next to ours were from my roommate’s high school. So there I had it—the three people who would be the closest in my life for the next four years.
After moving in, it didn’t take long for us to become friends. We often say that there was something about those dorms that drove us mad in the perfect way. We quickly decided to continue living together in the following years, largely because we struck the perfect balance between being roommates and friends. Since we were roommates first, we don’t feel awkward about calling each other out for typical frustrations, like being too loud or forgetting to do the dishes. To keep our shared space from getting frustratingly messy, we use a chore wheel and hold each other accountable. This doesn’t interfere with our friendship. In fact, after a long and stressful day, I love coming home knowing I’ll get to eat dinner and de-stress with my roommates.
There were a few months when I lived with a friend from high school instead of my dear roommates, and that experience taught me two important things: I don’t like living alone, and I don’t enjoy living with super close friends. I learned the first lesson when I moved into that apartment two weeks before my friend was set to arrive. I didn’t know anyone in the city, my TV didn’t work, and I only had four hours of work each day, so I had most of the day to myself. I eventually found ways to occupy my time, but I realized that I wasn’t ready to live on my own; I love coming home and seeing my friends too much for that.
The other lesson came after my friend moved in. As much as I loved having her around all the time, I also struggled setting boundaries, something that was exacerbated by the fact that we were sharing a room. There wasn’t much personal space. My main saving grace was the fact that it was a temporary situation. And while living together didn’t drive a huge wedge in our friendship, it was definitely awkward, and not sustainable in the long run. College living situations are unique. For many people, living on their own for the first time means discovering how they prefer to manage their time and space, which is something that can that can cause rifts between roommates.
I’ve found, from other people’s and my own experiences, that communication and similar living styles are key. The person I shared a room with in the dorms and I agreed on so many small things, like no clothes on the floor and sweeping once a week, which made us extremely compatible. While you don’t always have control over who you live with, it helps if it’s someone you feel comfortable bringing up issues with, so you can get through awkward situations quickly. Most of all, staying respectful is critical. You certainly don’t want to be the main character of a ‘nightmare roommate’ story.