Society has created a stereotype that a person who doesn’t go out much and doesn’t have many friends is considered a “loser” and a person who doesn’t like to party is considered “lame”.
If you were to ask me, “Are you an extrovert or introvert?” pre-pandemic me would enthusiastically respond “Extrovert!” and go on and on about how she’s an open-book who loves to socialize and go out. The word “shy” was surely not a word people would use to describe her. She would volunteer to go first for presentations, was able to make conversations with complete strangers, and was the definition of school spirit. It was all so easy to her. However, the post-pandemic me is the complete opposite. When I was finally able to go out with my friends after an entire year of being “locked up”, it did not feel the same. Even hanging with my best friend felt off. I didn’t want to be there, I wanted to be home.
My first year of college was fully online and I decided to join a spirit group to make some friends. We would have monthly meetings and casually have social events via zoom which would make the isolation of being quarantined less lonely. I had become super involved in the organization; joined multiple committees and even decided to run for an exec position. Yet the second that life became “in-person”, everything changed. I got social anxiety from simply tabling at speedway and had my first panic-attack when I went to a recruitment event where there was just too many people in one room for me to feel comfortable. I forced myself to go out and try to build bonds with the girls in my org but I just felt so out of place. A few weeks in, I decided to step-down from my position as Co-Sisterhood Chair and by the second semester I decided to leave the spirit group. It just wasn’t working out for me. Even the times that I would have fun and enjoy myself, the introvert inside of me would takeover and always win. I feared going out, I feared talking to people, I was no longer the person I used to be and the fact that I was aware of it made me hate the person I had become.
As time went by, I pushed myself to keep trying, to make at least one friend. I joined a smaller organization where I met a brand new group of girls and gave myself a fresh start. The few times that I have gone out with them so far were a bit hard for me at first, but I could feel myself kicking back in to being a some-what social person. I sometimes miss my spirit group and regret leaving, but I know that it was the best option for me at the time and I could simply text any of the girls I had become friends with and they’d be down for anything. I also know that I am the reason I consider myself to have “no friends”, the reason I am a “loser”. I just need to slowly keep pushing myself to go out and be social. Even if it’s simply going to the library to study with someone or going to grab coffee with a friend, baby steps is what I need before I throw myself into becoming the extrovert I used to be.
At the end of the day, there is no shame in having a small friend group. After all, it’s not about the quantity of friends that matter, but the quality of friends.