Being alone has become more normalized. Spending time with yourself and enjoying your own presence is why it’s encouraged more and more. Nowadays, I hear all the time about people taking themselves out on dates and overall taking care of and treating themselves. Being alone shouldn’t be a negative thing, rather it should be a positive experience to allow personal growth.
The thought of being alone and having to do something by myself used to terrify me. It was something I never thought about or dared to do. Growing up, I was always surrounded by my family and friends. When I wasn’t hanging out with my family, I was with my friends and when I wasn’t hanging out with my friends, I was with my family. I never took measures to make sure I spent time alone. Why would I want to be alone? Just sitting there and listening to the thoughts circling around in my head. At Least when I was with other people, there were always distractions. When alone I had to hear and listen to everything I was feeling.
It wasn’t till my freshman year of college that I learned about being alone. It was difficult making friends and I’m fortunate to have met the people in my life today, but it was the first time I had truly felt completely and utterly alone. I was in a dorm that year and the thought of doing the smallest activities alone gave me so much anxiety. I refused to leave my room without another person, I refused to eat in the dining hall alone, I refused to go to any campus event alone, and I refused to explore on my own. I had a toxic and uncomfortable relationship with myself that I clearly needed to work on.
Fast forward to my junior year and I’ve been pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I had the realization that I shouldn’t let the fact that no one joined me stop me from doing the things I want and love. Now I go study by myself, pick up food for myself, sit in cafes, go on walks, run errands and so many other things that I was scared of for absolutely no reason. I’m still taking small steps towards being comfortable by myself. The ultimate goal is to be able to take myself out on a date. I’ve heard so many women talking about dressing up, taking themselves to a fancy restaurant, and sitting at a table for one. I could never imagine myself doing that, but during freshman year I also couldn’t see myself doing the things I am now. At the end of the day it’s important to push yourself but take your time. You never should have to dive deep into something right away, but once you take that first dip that’s what makes all the difference.