When I lost my mom during my sophomore year of college, it felt like the ground had been ripped out from under me. There’s no guidebook for navigating the loss of a parent, especially while trying to juggle classes, assignments, and the general chaos of college life. The pain was overwhelming, and there were days when getting out of bed felt like an impossible task. I was grieving while everyone around me seemed to be moving forward, and it was incredibly isolating.Â
Losing a parent at any age is devastating, but losing one while you’re still young and in the midst of major life changes feels especially cruel. I realized, in the raw aftermath of losing my mom, that she would never see me walk across the stage at graduation. She wouldn’t be there to help me pick out a wedding dress or give me advice on raising kids. These milestones, which are supposed to be filled with joy, suddenly felt tinged with sadness. These are moments I always imagined sharing with her, and accepting that they won’t happen the way I’d hoped is heartbreaking. But as painful as that reality is, I’ve come to understand that even though she’s not physically here, her presence is still with me. She’s in the values she instilled in me, the advice she gave, and the love she poured into me throughout her life. I carry her with me every day, and in that way, she will still be a part of those future milestones.Â
What no one really talks about is how lonely grief can be, especially in college. While friends were busy talking about their weekend plans or stressing over exams, I was dealing with something so much bigger and heavier. There were moments when I wanted to scream, to make everyone around me understand the weight of what I was going through. Even when people offered support, I found it difficult to explain what I was feeling. How do you put into words the depth of the pain when it feels too overwhelming to even comprehend yourself? Grief is invisible, and it isn’t something you “get over.” It’s something you carry with you, but over time, it becomes a part of who you are, rather than something that consumes you. One of the ways I’ve found hope is by leaning into the love and support of those around me. It took time for me to open up, but sharing my grief with trusted friends has made me feel less alone. I’ve also learned to be patient with myself. Some days are harder than others, and that’s okay. I’ve given myself permission to grieve, to feel sad, and to take breaks when I need them.
Balancing school work while grieving was, and still is, a struggle. There were times when I felt completely disconnected from my studies, like they didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. And while it’s normal to feel that way, I also found that structure helped keep me grounded. Some days, focusing on an assignment was a welcome distraction from the heaviness of my emotions. It’s important to know that it’s okay to struggle and that you don’t have to do it alone. Many universities offer grief counseling or support groups for students dealing with loss, and seeking out these resources can make a world of difference. There’s no shame in asking for help—it’s a sign of strength.
Even though the grief will always be a part of me, I’ve found ways to carry my mom’s memory with me as I move forward. It’s not easy, and there are days when it feels impossible, but I remind myself that she would want me to keep going. She would want me to live my life fully, even though she’s no longer here to see it. I try to focus on the good memories we shared and the lessons she taught me. I know she would be proud of me, and in some way, I believe she’s still with me, guiding me as I navigate life without her. Losing a parent in college is an incredibly difficult experience, and it’s okay to not have it all figured out. Grief is messy, and it doesn’t follow a timeline. But as lonely as it may feel, you’re not alone. There’s hope in the small steps forward, in the love and support of others, and in the memory of the parent you lost. Take things one day at a time, and allow yourself to grieve. Your parent may not be here physically, but their love and influence will always be with you. And as you move through life, you’ll find ways to honor their memory and carry them with you into your future.