I spent 136,329 minutes listening to Spotify last year, as per my 2021 Spotify Wrapped. That’s almost 95 days of me jamming out.
Since 2019, I’ve been compiling my favorite songs into one singular playlist. I will link it down below, but before you head on and scroll through, I should inform you that it is currently sitting at 61 hours with 998 songs in it.
Scrolling through the playlist in chronological order takes me back through moments of time. I had found songs, grown fond of them, listened to them on repeat, then proceeded to find new music to repeat the cycle with. It’s almost as if the songs were soundtracks custom-tailored to moments in time. When I listen to those songs now, I’m taken aback with a gush of nostalgia.
I want to share a few songs/albums that give me that strong sense of nostalgia. You can follow along by scrolling through my playlist as well (just note that I will not be going in chronological order for some of these)!
I met you when I was 18. (the playlist) by Lauv
It all starts with an album by Lauv. I had discovered his music in middle school, and the song that I kept dearly to my heart was called “Breathe.” I wasn’t aware of Spotify or any other streaming service, nor was I interested in paying for it. I would search for songs on Youtube and download them to my phone. Everyday, after school, I would plug my headphones in and wind down to this song while I waited for my mom to come pick me up. I came across the album in 2020 once again, and as I went through each song in the album, I relished the happy nostalgia that rushed through me.
“Something New” by Taeyeon
This is another song that I discovered in middle school. Unlike Lauv’s album, “Something New” is still a staple I list when going off about my favorite songs. I am convinced that this song is the origin of my ‘baddie’ mindset, because everytime I listen to it, I instantly feel a confidence boost.
And when I tell you I needed that confidence boost at this time, oh, do I mean it. In 2018, I moved to the United States alone, leaving my family behind in Korea. I may have been born in the States, but at this time, I had lived most of my life in Korea. So, to me, being more than 4000 miles apart from friends and family was hard, but adapting to the culture I hadn’t been in touch with for years was even more difficult. Fortunately, I did attend an international school in Korea, and there were so many people in the States who were willing to help me adapt. It all helped me ease into the community pretty quickly. Anywho, when I needed to feel more confident in myself, this song was on repeat for hours. Soon enough, I was living my best life out here in Texas.
“Sign of the Times” by Harry Styles, “O Children” by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, “To Build a Home” by The Cinematic Orchestra, “As the World Caves In” by Matt Maltese
This is when my mind can start connecting moments and specific emotions to songs. To be brutally honest, the time period I jammed to these few songs was not a good time. If I remember correctly, this is when COVID forced me to return to Korea mid-semester, and also when college applications were at its peak stress point. I finished my junior year of high school in Seoul with a flipped day and night schedule. Overall, my mental health wasn’t at its best state, and I recall how I distracted myself by rereading the Harry Potter series. That explains why I was obsessed with listening to “O Children” (it comes out in the movie). I can associate these few songs with a lot of tears, but when I look back, I can also see how strong I was for pushing through.
Evermore by Taylor Swift
This album is literally the reason why I wanted to write this article. Evermore had and still has such a prominent effect on me. Still in Korea, I remember trying to take a depression nap on my parents’ bed when I realized this album was released. I instantly rushed onto Spotify to binge the songs, and I cried happy tears. There is no other way I can describe the feeling without it sounding corny, but when I listened to “Gold Rush,” I truly felt like I was in heaven.
To me, this album represents a solemn but mellow winter time. This time in Korea was cold to the bone, and the view outside my window was just layers and layers of snow. I would take walks to be surrounded by nature, obsess over pretty skies (cry over them too) and sit in my bed, listening to music while I stared out the window, appreciating the snow fall outside. This time period was when I felt the most vulnerable emotionally, so this album carries a sense of gentleness in the form of a sadness that’s oddly comforting.
The entire album is in my playlist twice, and yes, it is intentional. To this day, this album has my heart. Whenever I feel like I’m in need of something to ground me back to Earth, Evermore is my go-to move.
“This is Me Trying” by Taylor Swift, “Fallen” by Gert Taberner, “Gravity” by Taeyeon, “And I’m Here” by Kim Kyung Hee, “Engagement Party” by Justin Hurwitz, “Love Poem” and “Dear Name” by IU
I have a separate playlist for these songs and I named it “Healing.” These songs never failed to rank my most-played songs because I would have this playlist on repeat for hours. My mental health hit rock bottom during this time, and these few songs offered me such an immense amount of comfort. Although it did take a long time, like the name of the playlist, I was healing.
Even today, listening to this playlist doesn’t fail to stir up my emotions. As I am reminded of the days and nights I’ve sat in the corner of a closet, merely relying on my headphones to bring me comfort, a range of emotions are prone to resurface.
Pure Heroine and Melodrama by Lorde
At this time, I returned to the States to complete my second semester of my senior year (yes, I had been in Korea for ten months). My sleep schedule no longer consisted of me switching day and night; I was actually able to physically participate in senior year traditions; and I could be present in my organizations (I was the Editor-in-Chief of my newspaper team) instead of guiding my team on Zoom. Beyond all that, the best part was that I reunited with friends and found the friend group I truly belonged to. My mental health improved rapidly, and Lorde’s songs witnessed it all happen. The song “Ribs” was my anthem. I felt like I was on cloud nine, and the song, along with the memories I made with my friends, felt like a child’s fever dream I could only experience once. It helped me convert the past’s emotional vulnerability into a sense of euphoria as my friends and I drove around doing the stupidest, most childish things. Describing this time period as a ‘rush of adrenaline’ doesn’t do it enough justice. After all of my troubles with mental health, I felt like I was finally living.
“Doses and Mimosas” by Cherub, “I Can’t Handle Change” by Roar, “Where’d All the Time Go” by Dr. Dog
The finish line was nearing. The end of an era was quite a rollercoaster of emotions, mostly bittersweet. Brainstorming and leading the production of my last newspaper issue, I remember a close staff member and I were sitting on a patio (with a roof) amidst a thunderstorm. We sat outside the entire day, awaiting the seniors we had written senior profile stories about. As they came and went, we snapped photos of them to use on our pages. The whole time, we were vibing to music and he had queued a few songs of his own choice. That’s the first time I heard “Doses and Mimosas” by Cherub and “I Can’t Handle Change” by Roar, and upon listening to them, I instantly added them to my playlist. A few days later, another staff member and I were screaming “I Can’t Handle Change” on top of our lungs in the newspaper room.
I also remember getting ready for my graduation day and playing a random ‘2021 Graduation’ playlist I found. “Where’d All the Time Go” by Dr. Dog started playing and I recognized the tunes from a somewhat distant memory. A strong feeling of bittersweetness washed over me and I continued putting my mascara on, but internally, a little piece of me cried.
“Happier Than Ever” by Billie Eilish
Back to Korea I went. I was still running on senioritis, but now, I was having to recover from the carefree senior phase and focus on shifting gears to college. I felt somewhat robbed. I had just found and established my identity, a strong mindset and a perfect group of friends, and the anticipation of my future seemed to be disconnecting me from my definition of happiness. This feeling of emptiness, along with the anxiety of adapting to a new environment, all proved to be an incredibly difficult mindset to adapt to.
I think another part that my mindset feeded on was being back in the space where my mental health had plummeted. I could tell that a lot of frustration was brewing in me at this time, and that was when I first listened to “Happier than Ever.” I had been hanging out with a friend and was returning back home on a bus. The weather of Seoul was rainy and gloomy. When this song came on, I was taken aback by how well this song was capturing my feelings through both the lyrics and energy poured into it. This song empowered me in ways that are hard to describe in words, and it still does to this day.
Red (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift
Taylor’s Red album was quite literally my childhood. By the time she released Red (Taylor’s Version), I was back in America, already halfway through my first semester of college. This time was still pretty rough for me as I was testing the waters and pushing myself outside my comfort zone. But, I was overjoyed listening to the entire album with my long distance boyfriend tuning in with me on the other end of the call. Reconnecting with my childhood favorite and sharing that part of me with someone special in my life was a pretty magical moment. Throughout the entire duration of her album, I embodied the 🥺 emoji as I was overwhelmed with nostalgia. I’d say it also gave me a reality check on how quickly I was growing up. Of all of the songs, “All Too Well (10 Minute Version)” easily ranked my favorite from the entire album. It is still one of my go-to songs now.
“Sanctuary” by Joji, “Drawing Our Moments” by Taeyeon, “Eventually” by Tame Impala, “Reflections” by Misterwives
These few songs shape the current phase I am in. This second semester at UT has been a boost for my mental health; so much healing was done in just a span of a few months (proud of myself for that). I’ve been extremely active in the new organizations I’ve joined, and I’ve started busying myself with hobbies like reading and going to the gym. Taking mostly online classes, I’ve also taken a liking to creating my own schedule and letting myself do whatever I want to do. In the background, you’ll catch these songs playing.
With a few songs, I’ve written almost 2000 words telling my journey – everything from the ups and the downs. I am passionate about how music (even if we don’t write or sing it ourselves) can help us express ourselves in ways that may be more than just words and a melody. Just like how our brain allows for us to link soundtracks with certain movie scenes, the songs we cherish and play on repeat is like our own soundtrack to the narrative we create. While it wasn’t the initial reason I started dumping all of my songs into one playlist, a big motivation factor as to why I continue doing it is because I can see my growth with these ‘soundtracks’ in chronological order. And, it’s so much fun looking back at it. If you’re interested in something like this as well, you should start one! Go crazy with it; mine’s literally about to hit 1000 songs real soon, and I have no regrets.
Link to the playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5deiNVQNwbRI7TjRzROi0B?si=942ff2d7f2854273
*”아무거나” is the title of the playlist, and it is Korean for “anything.”