 TW (trigger warning) // discussion of sexual violence
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Let’s talk about the recent emergence of sexual assault and harassment allegations against individuals in power and influence and how far we have to go for supporting sexual assault survivors.
The truth is that the people who commit sexual violence the most are those we should trust. For children and teen victims, 93% knew the abuser where 59% were acquaintances, and 34% were family members.Â
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YouTuber David Dobrik
On March 16, Dobrik posted a video on the channel where he and Jason Nash post their podcasts addressing the sexual assault allegations against him and Nash from a now-deleted video with Seth Francois. Francois consented to kiss fellow vlogger Corinna Kopf in a pre-planned kissing scene. Dobrik and Nash pulled a “prank” on Francois. In this video, Kopf was supposed to be in an old man mask but switched places with Nash without Francois’s consent. On March 22, David Dobrik posted a video titled “3/22/2021” on his personal YouTube channel to address the sexual assault allegations against former Vlog Squad member Durte Dom. In a video in 2018, Dobrik filmed five girls walking into the apartment where Dobrik and Dom lived at the time. Dobrik narrated the video and said, “By some stroke of luck and master negotiation, Dom made progress,” and films Dom and two of the girls going into a bedroom. The video then films the other boys of the group peaking into the room and then cuts to Dom sweating, talking about what just occurred.
In Dobrik’s apology video, he said that he didn’t understand the power dynamic at hand and will take a break from social media to reflect and focus on rebuilding.
Dom posted an apology video titled “addressing the drama” where he never directly addresses the situation and includes multiple ads.
It is not for any of us to accept these apologies, but it is important to acknowledge what happened and what the consequences are going to be for these men.
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New York Governor Andrew Cuomo
According to the New York Times, multiple women, including current and former state employees, accused him of sexual harassment. More than 35 people who currently work or did work in Cuomo’s office described the office as “deeply chaotic, unprofessional and toxic.”
The first woman, Charlotte Bennett, accused him of sexual harassment, saying he asked about her sex life and if she ever had sex with older men.
The second woman, Lindsey Boylan, said Cuomo has a “crush” on her and went out of his way to touch her.
The third woman, Anna Ruch, said Cuomo came to her wedding and put his hand on her bare lower back. After she removed his hand, Cuomo said she was aggressive, placed his hands on her cheeks, and asked if he could kiss her. Ruch was never employed by the governor or the state of New York.
Cuomo said he is embarrassed by his actions, and he apologized but said that he would not resign and did not mean to act improperly.
“I now understand that I acted in a way that made people feel uncomfortable,” Cuomo said in a news briefing on March 3.
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What the Numbers Say
According to the CDC, 1 in 4 men have experienced sexual violence involving physical contact during their lifetimes, and 1 in 38 men have experienced completed or attempted rape. While the argument “not all men” and “it happens to men too” is accurate, it is only brought to anyone’s attention when a woman talks about her experience. I do not see men advocating for male victims of sexual violence without a woman advocating for herself first. The individuals who bring sexual violence against men into a conversation about women only bring it up to silence women.
The problem with looking at these numbers is that these numbers are based on reported cases. The numbers do not look at the more significant issue we face – rape culture, an environment where sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Men are encouraged to have sex with as many women as possible, but women are shamed for even having sex in the first place. Society blames the victim and tells them that ‘they were asking for it’ or ‘boys will be boys’. Men don’t call out other men when they are aware of harassment or coercion happening because they do not feel like it is important enough to call out. People focus on the amount of false sexual assault reports instead of looking at the amount of actual and factual reports that go unnoticed and rapists who don’t face any consequences. Rape culture affects men and women alike because it silences both genders when they come forth about sexual violence and pushes men to pursue sexual relationships they may not want to pursue.
None of the individuals accused of sexual assault are working to help all the individuals affected by rape culture every day. The majority of public figures accused apologize publicly and usually suffer no consequences. We have so much work to do when supporting survivors and in preventing sexual violence.
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We have a long way to go, and we will only get there if we do it together.
xoxo,
Sheryl