I’ve always been a very reserved person when it comes to the things going on in my life. I never really opened up or felt comfortable telling my friends when I was struggling with something, was bearing great news, or had something to looking forward to, even if it was small. Overall, I’m just a very private person. I leaned on my parents for that kind of stuff. But when you come into a place like college, or you’re moving away from home, that kind of support isn’t always there.
My philosophy when it came to friendships was to always be the fun, energetic girl, and the type of person whose life is perfect (it’s the perfectionist in me). When it came to friendships, I always had the thought process of “oh, they wouldn’t care about that,” “they don’t understand,” “I can handle this myself,” or “Who would want to talk about that?” This method of thinking is hard, but it became harder when I moved away for college. It wasn’t until the spring semester of my freshman year that I began to break the habit of not having open friendships. Â
The Rose, Bud, Thorn method, I always found a bit procedural, and the sort of thing that was just an icebreaker to get people to talk about their days. I never really considered it a serious or deep thing. If you haven’t heard of this method, it follows three conversation points:
Rose: something you’ve been happy about recently
Bud: something you’re looking forward to
Thorn: a struggle, or something that’s been challenging for you
Whether I use this method directly or not, it has allowed me to reflect upon the conversations I have with my friends, and to truly sit back and have genuine conversations with the people I feel supported by.
Ultimately, I realize that keeping things bottled up within is not the best way to live. And, being able to open up to my friends, difficult or not, has been the foundation for building strong and reliable friendships. Listening to my friends, celebrating each other’s wins, and being there for each other during all kinds of losses, have all become my best experiences when it comes to friendships.
Having a person or a group of people that you can have the time of your life with, but can also just sit in a Sonic Drive-Thru, listening to Ariana Grande’s new album, and take the time to hear each other’s Rose, Bud, and Thorn for the day, can make a huge difference. It can transform the way you connect and build relationships with others. It’s also a great way to check in with yourself and those around you. Open friendships allow you to be yourself; the good, the sad, and the sometimes ugly self, who deserves to be loved by both yourself and others.
Finding those people can be hard. Sometimes it takes putting yourself out there for you to find them, just as much as letting go of friendships where you don’t feel valued, feel like a burden, or find yourself unhappy. But when you find those people that are always there for you, hold onto those friendships. Even if they live all the way in Waco, or just a 10-minute walk from your apartment.Â