University is a time to grow, learn new skills, and gain new experiences. But along with these positive feelings comes an overwhelming sense of pressure to succeed — pressure that makes you question if you fit in if what you’re doing is right, and if other people are doing better than you.
As a third-year student who moved from Dubai to Canada, I went through the same feeling of comparing myself to others around me. I often felt inadequate, but I eventually learned that self-acceptance is essential to feeling at ease. By focusing on my own journey and practicing self-compassion, I overcame these feelings and grew.
In an interview conducted by Her Campus, Angie Agrawal Holstein, a registered social worker and trauma therapist at Shanti Psychotherapy in Toronto, compiled some helpful strategies to stop comparing yourself to others and start appreciating your unique journey.
- Focus on your own journey
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According to Holstein, it’s important to accept that everyone has their own path. “University can feel like a competition, but everyone has different strengths, backgrounds, and goals,” she said.
This helped me a lot as instead of worrying about how others were doing, I started focusing on setting my personal goals. Once I started working towards achieving those goals, I felt more fulfilled, and it definitely helped me reduce my comparison anxiety.
- Celebrate your wins
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Another piece of advice from Holstein that resonates with me is to celebrate your own achievements, no matter how small or big. “Perfectionism and anxiety often go hand in hand,” she said.
I now understand that instead of dwelling on what I haven’t done, I should look for happiness in my own progress. This helped me to start working better, and I’ve started to notice better results in both my academic and personal life!
- Surround yourself with supportive people
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One of the biggest shifts I made between my first and second year of university was to build a good support system and make friends with people who take happiness in your achievements rather than being competitive. By doing so, I started feeling more confident with the work I did and also got constructive criticism that helped me understand how to improve myself.
Holstein advises that surrounding yourself with friends who uplift you and encourage your growth can make it much easier to practice self-acceptance.
- Embrace imperfection
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I believe that perfection is a word that doesn’t exist, and mistakes are nothing but part of a learning process that makes you less afraid of failure or setbacks. Learning to embrace imperfection is a skill that develops over time, and it has helped me become stronger.
Your time in university is not supposed to be perfect, but rather to help you grow in your journey.
- Develop self-compassion
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Holstein emphasizes the importance of talking to yourself kindly — to treat yourself the way you would treat a friend when they don’t feel their best. Listen to how you encourage or criticize yourself and change what’s demoralizing into something uplifting, such as “keep going,” “I know it’s hard,” or “do your best and then rest.”
Practices such as positive self-talk and replacing negative thoughts with affirmations will help change the way you feel about yourself.
These tips helped me overcome the comparison game and focus on my growth. Embracing yourself is a process, but each step towards self-acceptance can make you stronger and more confident.