I had the not-so-unique experience of growing up in a bilingual, immigrant household in which my parents and older siblings spent most of their lives in my home country, speaking my native language.
Immigrating so young and being surrounded by English media, schooling, and peers has distanced me from my cultural language. I feel as though I cannot fully express my emotions to my family and I know they feel the same to me. I often think of conversations I can’t have with them due to my limited vocabulary in my native tongue.Â
The impact of immigration goes far deeper than a change of location. When families are faced with abrupt cultural change, children tend to assimilate quickly to their new environment — also known as shared language erosion. Parents are unable to adapt as quickly or at all. Therefore, they remain at different levels of language proficiency than their children.
In 2006, Statistics Canada found that immigrant languages were passed down to only 55 per cent of children.Â
The lack of a common language impacts effective communication and a sense of belonging. Language ties individuals to their culture and people. When immigrant children are unable to speak their mother tongue, their sense of connection to their history, people, family, and culture is greatly altered.Â
Language is also how people see this world. It’s how they express themselves and their emotions, as well as their joys and pains. Different cultures react and use language differently.Â
Challenges of Social Norms of Expressing Love
Language stems and is shaped from experiences, historical moments, interaction with the environment, and beliefs unique to the country/region of its origin. A 2008 study published in the International Journal of Intercultural Relations compared how love was communicated by American versus East Asian young adults. It found that due to social norms and the influence of individualism, Americans were more likely to openly express love verbally. Finding common ground for expressing emotions may prove difficult in households with different language norms.Â
The words spoken in one language may not translate completely or may even take on a new meaning. Language isn’t only about knowing words but also understanding the connotations behind them. Misunderstanding is a common issue in families with shared language erosion.Â
Behavioural economist Keith Chen conducted a study in 2013 looking at the impact of language on economic behaviours. He found that German speakers emphasize the certainty of events when they speak, whereas English speakers use a distinction between an event happening in the present or future. Chen determined that people from cultures that don’t create the distinction between the present or future of events have better retirement and health plans. This is because their language doesn’t psychologically distance them from future events; therefore, there is a bigger sense of urgency to act.Â
In households with parental hierarchy, the child is conditioned to adapt their speech to what the parent understands and believes is correct. This often creates dysfunctional and unfruitful communication, causing the child to avoid opportunities for future discourse. The child may become more independent and choose not to disclose information on their personal lives, seeing as their reasoning will not be understood by their parents.Â
One crucial element of being a parent is the ability to share wisdom and guide their children. A parent’s incapability to clearly articulate their concerns can affect protecting their child and connecting to them. Shared language erosion can cause parents to become less authoritative, and the child can perceive the lax parenting as neglectful or disinterested.Â
Due to this perception, children then turn toward other figures around them to satisfy their emotional attachment needs. More often than not, these figures tend to be peers and friends. This raises concerns because the child is more susceptible to peer pressure because of the lack of guidance from their parents and the child’s strong bond with said peers.Â
This can all be whittled down to the inability to communicate. On both sides of the spectrum, the parent and the child are unable to express their emotions on a deeper level due to the language barrier. This leaves room for misunderstandings, and the gap between having an emotional connection grows profoundly.Â
Having a difference in primary language doesn’t mean connecting with your loved ones is impossible. We live in an extremely unique time where we have access to other ways of understanding each other — like watching TV shows to bond over or downloading an app to grow your vocabulary in another language.Â
The concept that has helped me is understanding where my parents are coming from. They were raised in an environment where constant emotional validation was unnecessary, and knowing that has enhanced my perception, but that isn’t to say that I don’t see their expression of love in other ways. Whether that be sending me a heart GIF on WhatsApp or bringing me cut fruit after an argument.
Yes, language is a huge factor in connecting with someone, but you can understand everything a person says and still not feel a connection to them. Perhaps the bigger component is attempting to grow your relationship regardless of the barriers.  Â