My Love-Hate Relationship with Toronto

This year marks my fourth year of living in the core of Toronto, and I can’t help but reflect on the time I’ve spent living in the city. I didn’t think it would last this long. 

At the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, during my last year of high school, my parents decided to move our family from my hometown in southwestern Ontario to a small, rural tourist town five hours up north. While social distancing regulations were still in place, it was comforting knowing my relationships with friends and family would have been the same if I had still lived there; the distance didn’t seem as far when everyone around the world was living digitally. 

When the next school year came, northern Ontario wasn’t exactly the most feasible option to begin my undergraduate studies, purely because our weak internet wouldn’t allow Zoom to stream classes every day. 

My brother was already a student at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU), living on his own, so I decided to move downtown with him. I wanted to feel like I was starting a new chapter in my life and gaining some kind of independence. However, what I didn’t consider when moving for school was that no one else was moving downtown. No one that I knew or felt comfortable meeting safely. 

There was also the fact that I couldn’t experience the city properly, as nothing was open due to lockdown restrictions. My concept of “city fun” was going to the Rexall across the street. Walking around a new city, never having lived in it before, was daunting. Staying in my apartment was safer and more familiar. Aside from my brother, who had friends he saw regularly, I spent most of my time alone in my apartment. 

That following summer after my first year, when I went back to living back at home and working in my parent’s town, I dreaded going back to the city to be alone again. Now that restrictions were loosening, images of my high school peers flooded my social media of them living the “typical” university experience in their smaller university towns across Ontario. I began to feel regret over my decision to live in the city and felt some serious FOMO. 

Although I was told that going to school in a huge city had its perks, I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing out on specific, pivotal university experiences. At one point, I even considered switching schools because I couldn’t imagine myself living in the city for much longer without feeling the dread of my degree being over. Nonetheless, I stuck it through, and by the time my third year rolled around, I understood why I had chosen TMU in the first place. 

With classes beginning in-person again, and opportunities to meet the names I had only seen on Zoom for the past two years, I started to value my education in the city so much more. On a field trip to the Museum of Contemporary Art for a design class, I realized that it wouldn’t have been possible for me to do this if I had gone to a traditional university. For me, and the industry I hope to immerse myself in, I had to plant roots in the city and gain familiarity first, so when it came time for my career to start, living in the big city would seem more manageable.

Academics aside, the city as a whole truly is a classroom that teaches me things every day. Due to the city’s diversity, I feel I’m exposed to so much more than I would be if I had decided to transfer to a more “traditional” post-secondary institution. Whether it be different foods, entertainment, or even social norms, I feel I have a certain awareness of people and their common idiosyncrasies.

Getting my degree in culture studies, not only are opportunities and things to do quite literally at my fingertips, but I’m also gaining academic and social knowledge about the world around me because of the breadth of perspectives available. Although we all can attest to the many (many) difficulties living in Toronto has, I feel lucky to have had the time to learn here. 

If you were to ask me four years ago if I could imagine myself living and working in Toronto after completing my undergraduate degree, I would have said no. I resented the city for its intimidating and unwelcoming nature, but more importantly, when I first moved here, I didn’t recognize myself.

While the city can still be overwhelming and slightly undesirable, it isn’t as much anymore. It lessens by the day. If you were to ask me the same question today, I can confidently say that it’s no longer unfamiliar; it feels more like home than the city I grew up in for 18 years. 

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