College is a great time in your life to make new friends. You get to meet new people and attend fun campus events. However, if you’re new to the college experience, you may have noticed that a lot of your high school friendships feel temporary. Those once-friendly faces may have drifted away, and the people may have changed.Â
Well, welcome to the first step of adulting! Friendships in your adult years tend to differ from those during your childhood — or even teenage — years. As we get older, we start to have a ton of responsibilities and, with that, maintaining relationships can become draining.Â
Many people in their young adult years, including me, have drifted apart from many people. And it’s not always anyone’s fault. Sometimes, it’s due to the differences in responsibilities, perspectives, and choices that lead to friends going their separate ways.
The good news is that even if you and a previous friend are on bad terms, there is always an opportunity to repair the relationship. Although every relationship is unique, some friendship fundamentals stay the same.
Here are a few points to remember when trying to repair a friendship:Â
- Talk About It
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I know, talking about the fallout from a friendship can be daunting. But, understanding multiple perspectives of the situation can result in a better solution.
One way to understand these perspectives is to communicate. Ask your friend, “What did I do wrong?” Or “How could I have handled x better?” You can then provide explanations through your actions and ensure that your friend understands your intentions.Â
If your friend’s actions have impacted you, open communication should be reciprocated. Keeping things bottled up isn’t healthy for either person. Tell them, “When you did this, I felt x.” it can let you explain your side and help your friend understand your intentions.
- Self-Reflect
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Self-reflection is a challenging but essential process. It requires us to look at ourselves and think about our own actions.
By understanding ourselves, we can see how our actions may have affected others. For example, we may have come across as selfish to a close friend. So we need to ask ourselves, how can our actions towards others be different the next time around?Â
- ApologizeÂ
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Even if you think that the fallout was a result of the other person’s actions, you can still apologize for your own wrongdoings. A sincere apology shows that you’re willing to mend the relationship.Â
- Voice Your Own SuggestionsÂ
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Talking about your side of things can really help patch things up. Think back on past interactions and be honest about what could’ve gone differently. If your friend made some snarky comments that rubbed you the wrong way, bring it up.
When I had friends who would often make remarks about my clothing and about my problems, I would ask them to clarify. For example, one of my previous friends made a comment about me having “bad hearing problems.” After hearing this, I asked them if they could explain what they meant. I let them know that the comment, to me, came across as rude and ableist.
By sharing your thoughts, you both get a chance to see where each other is coming from and hopefully avoid similar issues down the road.
- Be patientÂ
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When your friend is giving you a hard time, instead of judging the situation in your own way, learn to be patient and understand the other person’s perspective. Your friend may be going through something in life which might impact the way they act. Always be willing to support your friend throughout the process of change.
However, if your friend has continuously behaved in a dismissive manner, be sure to address your own boundaries. Let them know that you can’t accept being treated negatively and that you want the friendship to be as supportive as possible.Â
After all — friendships are two-sided.
We definitely have all experienced our rough patches with our friends. But there are always ways to move past them. Throughout it all, it’s important to stick it out together and not leave the other behind. Because, after all, that’s what friends are for.