It was a regular day in March. I had just visited my local Urban Outfitters with a close friend to find some green apparel for the anticipated St. Patrick’s Day celebration that weekend. However, as I was in line to pay for the bright lime green sweater I was never going to wear again, I got a text from my parents.
“It’s getting serious. We think you should cancel your bus to Kingston.”
Well, fast forward to now, I have recently been told it’s February, almost 11 months since that day on which my mind, body, and spirit closed themselves off to the passage of time. What a spectacle – February! At the time, I assumed if my life’s progression had to stop, surely every single other element of life would stop as well. Little did I know, time moves forward all on its own.
Why does it matter that it is February again? Well if you must know, about a year ago I had made a mental agreement with myself to find a significant other by next February so I could see what it would be like to celebrate Valentine’s Day as our capitalistic society intended. It’s now “next” February and I, evidently, do not have a significant other. But I will let you in on a little secret, readers on the Internet who are capable of sharing and resharing which makes my confession not a secret at all but a public fact: I don’t really care.
Typically, during the Valentine’s Day time of year, a group of friends and I plan our Galentine’s Day* celebration and, like clockwork, my inner critic, who always loves to pay me a visit on and around Valentine’s Day, shows up to provide some unwanted commentary on the state of my romantic life.
*Galentine’s Day: a play on the word Valentine’s Day by adding “Gal” at the beginning, created to encourage the celebration of platonic love in addition to or instead of romantic love.
What is the inner critic, you may ask? The inner critic is that disapproving voice in your head that uses shame to foster self-doubt, anxiety, guilt, and shame. Yes, shame is included twice on purpose. It is a vicious cycle of our own betraying thoughts trying to convince us that we are not worthy of our accomplishments, our relationships, our dreams, and so on. Most annoyingly, it also never shuts up!
This year, my inner critic did not disappoint when it poked its little head out to provide its opinion on the state of things as we approach Valentine’s Day.
But then something miraculous happened. For the first time, my inner critic was not so concerned with me.
“Rachel,” it says, “We are single again this year. That is okay. It’s a pandemic, what do you expect?”
It has a point. I take a painful swig of kombucha.
“Continue.” I prompt.
“You’ve been on your own for the past 20 and a half years of your life. Another Valentine’s Day spent with friends, doing the things you like to do is not a bad thing. Dare I say, it is a great thing. But Valentine’s Day as a holiday is nonsensical. You’re supposed to write a Valentine’s themed article this week when you couldn’t care less about Valentine’s Day because it is nothing but a meaningless holiday, fueled by marketing campaigns and the controlling nature of capitalism. What are we supposed to do?”
“I hear you. I see you. But this day is also meant to celebrate the people you love, a romantic somebody or not. And, don’t forget about Galentine’s Day. We love Galentine’s Day.” I retort.
“Did it ever occur to you that maybe we only love Galentine’s Day because we have never really experienced Valentine’s Day and you are just pretending to be okay with it when really you are a lonely, isolated–”
I stopped my inner critic’s plans to send me into a spiral then and there. I was saved by a reassuring thought: I am not the only single person in the world. I took to the streets to see what other single people and their inner critics had to say about the much-debated holiday (… and by streets, I mean social media because I can’t run up to people with a microphone these days).
Through the very convenient and informative tool of Instagram polling, the opinions of about 35 singles, ages 18-22, were captured and, in a summarized format, here’s what they had to say about the holiday we call Valentine’s Day:
For some, this day represents an old-fashioned Hallmark holiday-fueled by corporate monsters used to make singles sad and to commodify feelings of love. For others, this day is simply about love (for yourself, for your friends, for your significant others), having fun, and eating chocolate. For many more, Valentine’s Day is overrated and feels as though it doesn’t belong to them, but is exclusive to those in relationships.
Out of this group, 46% said they do celebrate Valentine’s Day, while about 89% reported they support and celebrate Galentine’s Day. Are Valentine’s Day and Galentine’s Day so different at their raw, sentimental core? Can we get past Valentine’s Day’s fabricated surface and appreciate the day for what it is – a celebration of love?
Next, it was time for the inner critic to shine. The subject group was asked: What does your inner critic have to say about Valentine’s Day? Some inner critics channelled their hate towards the holiday, saying it is in fact overrated, dumb, and shouldn’t exist. Many other inner critics turned their contempt towards the person that houses them, claiming they are doomed to eternal singledom, they don’t deserve love, and that the holiday is not meant for them. Is this what we are reduced to? Taking our self-worth into question because our inner critics say so?
Here is what I propose. This Valentine’s Day let’s us, the singles, make a pact. Let’s all look our inner critics in the eye and say, “Thank you for your input, but I will not be listening to you this year.” Say it as many times as you need to until that inner critic takes the hint and peaces out. Enjoy your Valentine’s, Galentine’s, Pal-entine’s, Family-entine’s, Pet-entine’s, or any other -entine’s Day that you desire. Let’s choose to stop listening to commercial Valentine’s messaging saying this day is only intended for romantic love. This is about ALL love. And, if I am being completely honest, I think we all just need a hug. Everything will be okay. Have a piece of chocolate.
All You Need Is Love (Remastered 2009)