In the last four years that I’ve lived in the city, I have lived with four different roommates in three different apartments, at three different points in time. You might be thinking: Why? Why put yourself through the trouble of moving so much and yet continue living with roommates? Well, the short answer is that rent is cheaper and life is more fun when you live with the right people, especially during a pandemic. I think it’s fair to say that I’ve had my fair share of roommate horror stories, ranging from living in angry silence for 2 months straight to moving out and never speaking again. I am certainly no expert in this field study (if you could call it that LOL), but I have learned a thing or two through my lived experiences, so here goes:
- Moving in with friends: a mistake of mine that you can learn from
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Let me explain what I mean when I say this. I’m not saying you shouldn’t move in with someone you’re already close with and who knows you inside out. I’m saying, move-in with a friend who can respect your boundaries. Someone who is able to have uncomfortable conversations with you about, for example, owing you money for a bill or cleaning the kitchen on days that it’s their turn to, or even just plainly about communicating things that bother them instead of making awkward, passive-aggressive comments. This one is probably the one that I learned the hard way and is definitely worth thinking about because without consideration, you could possibly lose a friend and a space to live in that feels safe and open.
- Creating practical, emotional and important boundaries
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This is one lesson that I’m grateful to have learned the hard way. The concept of creating boundaries was something so foreign to my people-pleasing self that when I first moved in with friends, I put their emotional wellbeing above mine. It cost me my voice, but after healing from that experience I’ve picked up a few tips and tricks that have helped me massively in learning to voice what I am feeling in a productive way. This is easier said than done, but living with other people tests how far your boundaries can go. The biggest advice I can give here, that I heard on Jameela Jamil’s podcast, is that, if you are unable to love someone else and yourself at the same time then it might be time to consider creating a firmer boundary with that individual.
- Splitting up the big three: bills, cleaning schedules, time spent together
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One of the best lessons that I have learned and still implement to this day, is discussing the big three before moving in with my current roommates. Trust me, it’s only going to make your life easier. It usually helps if you establish right off the bat, how you want to split up certain responsibilities like paying rent or hydro bills, that way you can hold each other accountable. Creating some sort of cleaning schedule may seem weird at first thought, but having one established will help avoid any tension or awkward passive aggressive dish-washing. Lastly, one perk that comes with living with people who you are close to is that you won’t have to plan very much to make time to hang out. But, just make sure you are making the time to hang out as friends and not just as roommates.
There is so much more that can be said about living with people, but with everything encompassed, you will definitely learn how to grow in a way that you may have never before considered.