I’m in a transitional period of my life, figuring out where I am professionally, academically, and personally. This comes with a lot of stress and heightened emotions. Still, I need to remind myself not to blame others for how I feel.
During the pandemic, I spent a lot of time watching vlogs on YouTube. I can’t seem to remember who it was exactly, but someone I watched was asked what the best piece of advice they had heard was. To paraphrase, “Other people are not responsible for your emotions.” Ever since then, I have taken that advice with me every day.
Close people in my life can tell you that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I don’t exactly try to hide how I feel, which can sometimes work against me. I tend to react quickly and intensely and even point fingers. I realize that I can’t always blame others for how I feel.
The advice “others are not responsible for your emotions” in no way means that others cannot upset you or that you can’t be wronged. For me, it’s a reminder that we have total control of ourselves and how we feel and react. It sometimes doesn’t feel that way, but it’s important to understand we can’t absolve ourselves from accountability.
Dealing with our emotions is hard, especially when there are so many external contributing factors. I know that I need to process and reflect on how best to communicate my feelings. I set boundaries with people and let them know how I feel.
My close circle knows that I become oversensitive when I’m dealing with many school and work deadlines. When these situations arise, I do my best to tell those around me what’s happening and that I may be distant. That’s the best I can do to keep them in the loop and ensure that they know I am experiencing a lot.
I’ve been in plenty of situations, though, where I feel like I’ve been wronged. With that, I say, I can only control so much. My reaction and how I decide to process my emotions are all I can do. Being the bigger person and explaining my side is the most important thing, as is knowing that I am being honest.
I will say, though, that it has taken me a lot of time to communicate my feelings effectively. I continue to struggle with this, but I still make an effort when I can. I need to remind myself that others cannot read my mind and that it’s not fair to assume they know how I’m feeling.
My internal monologue is constantly filled with trying to make excuses for my negative thoughts and feelings, especially as they relate to others. Only I know how I feel, though. If I become distant or lash out at my friends and family for whatever reason, I can’t expect them to know what’s wrong or even be upset if they reciprocate those feelings. My emotions are my responsibility.
Taking accountability is hard, but if you do everything you can to create boundaries, you’re doing the best you can.