The day that seemed so far away four Septembers ago is now fast approaching. In fact, it’s almost here.
Little did I know I was at the very forefront of so much self-discovery in the fall of 2021. And it didn’t show up all at once. It was piece by piece, day by day, year after year.
But now, as I sit here writing this article, about to graduate in a few short months, I look back and see all the growth and feel so content with my realizations along the way, and now I’m going to share them with you so that you can experience the same.
Embrace the Dichotomy of You
First things first, embrace the dichotomy of you. What do I mean by that? With the content we consume on social media, we get this curated version of people — we see what they choose to present to the world. They’re choosing to show you a specific version of themselves. And the truth is we are all these beings that have so many layers and so many dimensions.
Something I was so stuck on that took me so long to break free of was allowing me to embrace and embody all my interests. And I think that’s partially because we tend to attach so much meaning to what certain hobbies or interests mean about us — what they reflect on us as individuals — as there seems to be this notion in our society.
And it’s so important just to let yourself be. For example, I love Pilates. I love to identify as a Pilates princess — I think it’s fun — but that doesn’t mean I always have to show up in the clean girl aesthetic or can’t also love going to the gym. You can like a particular trend without following that aesthetic/lifestyle. Thinking that we have to dress a certain way all the time or we’re going to confuse people or maybe ourselves is restrictive. You can have different aesthetics and show up in different ways at different times. It’s all okay.
In trying to find ourselves, we’ve placed so much of it on our outward identity, how others perceive us, and what that means about us. But the truth is, we are limitless. We are undefinable. So, choose to show up in whatever ways feel good to you at that moment. You don’t have to overthink it.
Follow Your Inner Child’s Lead
Another huge aspect of my self-discovery has been reconnecting with my inner child. Our inner child is our most extraordinary insight into our interests; strengthening our relationship with them creates the ultimate portal to discovering who we are.
So, how do we integrate this? The first thing that’s so powerful is following your instincts of what you want to do at any given moment. A massive part of becoming an adult is realizing that we innately knew what to do as children, and we lost touch with that somewhere along the way, and it’s so important to reconnect with that aspect.
So, what does that look like from day to day? I’m not rigid with my schedule if I feel called to do something. Of course, if I have a deadline that I have to meet or there’s something I have to do, then I’m going to do it. But if there is something I can rearrange, I will prioritize what I feel called towards.
Second, it can be as simple as being mindful of that voice in your head that tells you you can’t do that, and instead of taking it as truth, reflect on it. When it tries to say to you, “No, you have to do it this way,” or “You’re not being authentic if you want to do this, too,” gently challenge it because this journey is about recognizing and saying to yourself: “I’m actually more me by doing this, not less.”
Explore Different Friendships
Something else that led to so much growth was giving myself the freedom to explore different friendships. I think that’s so important, especially when we first get here to university. We try so hard to see where we fit in and find our people, and recognizing that you can have different friends who relate to you in different ways is critical.
For so long, I would unconsciously hide pieces of me from people because I was assuming what kind of person they were based on the front they were providing. The truth is, when you allow yourself to be who you are and show up exactly as you are around people, you’re going to find that, more often than not, they’re a lot more accepting than you were giving them credit for. Moreover, by showing up as your authentic self, you’re giving them the space to do the same.
Showing up as who you wish to become and who you want in your circle is powerful. This time in your life is a unique and beautiful gift; it’s an opportunity to redefine how you see yourself and discover who you are in friendships outside of the high school version of you who was likely just so caught up with how to fit in.
While at university, you have the opportunity to start exploring more intricate layered parts of you and your relationships with others. There is an abundance of people who are dying to meet someone like you. All you have to do is be open to them.
Do Things Even When They Scare You
Another tip I have is to notice what you’re drawn to and do it, even if you’re scared, especially if you’re scared. That’s how you grow, build your sense of self and find (more of) your people.
I can’t express enough how important this is, and I wish I started this sooner, but for so long, I was scared. Scared to fail and scared of what other people would think. The imposter syndrome would eat me alive. Sometimes, it still creeps its way back in, but it’s a lot better than it was. Why? Because I kept pushing myself out of my comfort zone, stepping closer and closer to fully accepting that I’m more than capable.
So, apply for that job or opportunity, go to that event that you think seems cool, even if none of your friends want to go with you, because the more you do things that make you uncomfortable, the more you will develop your sense of self.
There isn’t a better opportunity to do this than in university. Take full advantage of the unique and incredible things around each corner that you won’t find again once you’re out of this space. The best part is that each time you do it and see that the world didn’t end and you are okay, you’ll feel really good about yourself. And it’s going to become easier and more manageable each time.
Immerse in Your Community
Last but not least, immerse yourself in your community because that’s how you find your people. It’s so important to have individuals around you who uplift and inspire you.
Don’t try to change other people. Instead, change yourself, inspiring them to do the same. On Skinny Dipping the Podcast (my favourite podcast,) the host, Kela Rose, talked about this, and it resonated with me deeply. She was talking about the importance of focusing on your growth and continuing to build your foundation, and you will inspire those around you to be better versions of themselves and vice versa.
Your job isn’t to be the fixer of others. It’s about being your own muse and, by extension, a muse for those around you. That’s the beauty of uncovering your authentic self.
If you’re putting yourself in situations that scare you, chances are you will find people with the same aspirations and goals, and you can motivate each other.
Again, to avoid discrediting those around you, give them the grace you would want to be offered. Give people the opportunity to show you how incredible they are.
Say yes to everything. Have that be your motto.
The one you’re searching for — the girl who is everything you wish to be — is less far out of reach than you think. You must slowly take the actionable steps to get there and be patient with yourself along the journey. There will be bumps and bruises, but you will get through it and come out the other side so much stronger.
Allow yourself to explore everything your heart desires. Take all the chances you want to take. Embrace every layer of who you are. You will discover yourself by diving straight into all the newness and not being afraid to be who you truly are. You will break free from limitations and become the person you’ve always had the potential to be. All that is left to do is find her because she’s waiting.