I love proving people wrong, but I mean, who doesn’t? Nothing is more satisfying than doing something no one thought you could do. Whenever I hear a murmur of disapproval over one of my decisions, it immediately fuels my drive to do it regardless of the consequences.
I used to thrive off people’s doubts about me, and I honestly still do occasionally. I lived off the belief that I needed to show everyone I could do it all. People’s doubts and disbelief were my sole motivation, and I won’t lie, it worked for a bit.
I continuously worked myself to the bone and never looked back. I loved seeing the shock on people’s faces when I came back successful, but this feeling of satisfaction began to fade after a while.
Proving people wrong became my main motivation in life, whether it came to school, work, or my personal life. It became my only focus, especially when the words of doubt or disapproval came from those closest to me. It felt like a personal attack; it made me feel like the stupid girl who couldn’t tell her right foot from her left.
In a way, it always made me feel humiliated when others couldn’t see the vision I had for myself and my future. But how could they? No one can see the life you envision for yourself but you. So why did it bother me so much?
That’s when I realized that living my life in vain and running through it to accomplish my goals for others always left me empty. Whenever I accomplished something, I felt no immense happiness or sincere pride. I just sat there with it and moved on to the next thing. If anything, I always felt worse at the end. I was draining myself, being fueled by anger, frustration, and insecurity, so much so that it clouded the value of my work. I realized I wasn’t doing anything for myself anymore.
While proving “them” wrong was extremely motivating early on, making that mindset the catalyst for your work often begins to fatigue you. It can get you stuck in this negative mindset. I couldn’t tell if I was being driven by ego or by pure insecurity. What I learned is that I was holding myself back by trying to prove people wrong.
That’s when I realized I needed to change, but that change wouldn’t come overnight. This was a mentality that I had ingrained into myself. I had to do a lot of self-reflection and consciously think, do their words have that much power over me?
Proving people wrong will never work as a means to motivate yourself, and it took me the hard way to find out. If you don’t need their belief to feel validated, then why do you need their disbelief to stay motivated?
The people with the most to say about your life often aren’t living theirs for themselves. Therefore, how can they be there for you?
It’s incredibly hard to fight others’ perception of you but remember; somebody will always have something to say about you regardless of what you do. That’s why you have to move on and start doing things for yourself. No one can do half the things you do, walk in your shoes, and understand the bigger picture better than you.
Choose to stay motivated by the good things, the good people in your life, and the version of yourself that you want to be.