While on vacation this summer, I watched my 50-year-old uncle, who is dark-skinned, go to great lengths to avoid tanning and darkening his complexion. He dodged the sun, smothered on sunscreen and continuously commented about his skin tone.Â
His insecurities about his skin tone weren’t just subtle; they dictated his entire experience. At first, I found it funny, but then I realized just how much it really affected him. Watching him, I couldn’t shake the thought: Is this what it means to carry insecurity for a lifetime?
At that moment, I made a decision. I refuse to let insecurities control my life.
For some reason, I had this idea that insecurities, whether it’s physical appearance, career, or life, would disappear at some point. Something about how your 20s being stressed as the prime years of life meant that insecurities are bound to be present, but once I hit 30 years old and onwards, insecurity would cease to exist.Â
I started to notice the insecurities of older people around me more often. Whether it was my dad stressing about his impending balding, my mom going on keto diets on random Tuesdays to lose weight, or even my grandma avoiding smiling with her teeth to hide her dentures. I realized insecurity never leaves you, no matter how old you are. And if they aren’t addressed, they begin to control your life, to the point where they are truly ingrained in your mind.Â
I firmly believe that insecurity stems from a lack of identity. Identity is a clear understanding of who you are, your values, and your purpose, and without it, it’s so much easier to let insecurity worm its way into your self-worth.
Having a strong foundation of who you are is key to fighting off insecurity. I found that once I became more confident in who I am, what I stand for, and my non-negotiables, fewer things people said or did around me triggered my insecurities.Â
Everyone has insecurities; they never truly go away, but it’s more about how much control you allow them to have over your life. I refuse to let my decisions and morals be dictated by insecurities. I began to look back and trace the opportunities I missed or avoided due to insecurities. I realized that no matter how confident I believe I am, self-doubt and insecurity have impacted how I view myself and my capabilities.Â
That’s why I’ve decided that I can’t be insecure my whole life. I can’t be 50 years old on a tropical island, hating the way I look, counting down the days until we leave. Insecurity is impossible to escape; it will always be present, but I will never let it affect me that deeply ​​in life.