Dear Andi,
I am going to Cancun with my family for spring break. My boyfriend is going to go to Panama City Beach with a group of guys. I trust my boyfriend, but his friends are single and they are kind of jerks when it comes to girls. They give him a hard time about having a girlfriend. I want to enjoy my break, but I don’t know if I should worry about what my boyfriend will do on his trip. Am I wrong to worry?
Sincerely,
Committed in Cancun
Dear Committed in Cancun,
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make the mind grow more anxious. While it’s normal to worry about the possibilities when college boys, bikinis and alcohol mix together, you cannot let worrying overcome you.
You said it yourself, you trust your boyfriend—but that doesn’t mean you trust his friends. While the way his friends behave can trouble you, it is important to remember that they are not your boyfriend and your boyfriend is not them. The fact that your boyfriend is in an official and public relationship with you, says something about his commitment to you. He obviously cares about you and wants to be with you—especially when he puts up with his friends nagging him.
It’s human to worry a bit, but ask yourself if it is reasonable to think that a simple change of scenery will change your man’s commitment. (The answer is no!) The temptation to be single already exists—his friends already give him a hard time and he has ignored it. What will be different now? The only reason to think things would be different is by assuming that he would be unfaithful because he thinks you won’t be able to find out. But that would have to indicate he cannot be trusted, and he has already proven to you that he has.
If you allow yourself to ignore all of this evidence in favor of him being faithful, it will be detrimental to your spring break. It is unreasonable to worry about him. Worrying will only cause you stress and prevent you from having a relaxing and fun time with your family. If you seem like you are too worried, he might feel that you are jealous or even worse, that you do not trust him. Trust is a key in any relationship: we not only need to be able to trust our partner, but we need to know that our partner trusts us. If he feels that there is a lack of trust, it might push him away and cause tension in your relationship.
Knowing not to worry and actually avoiding it are two different things. You might feel yourself starting to worry, regardless of the fact that it is not reasonable. If this happens on your break you need to use all of the opportunities to distract yourself. Cancun is a beautiful place. The weather will be warm and there will be plenty of stuff to do with your family. Spring Break is a chance to relax and de-stress and you should use the time to do exactly that. Contact your man as little as possible, if at all. Let him have fun with his friends and let yourself have fun too. Turn off your cell and don’t log onto Facebook. If you stay on these devices you won’t enjoy your vacation and you’ll allow yourself to worry more. Think of it like this: even if he were to do something (which I don’t think he would!) you could do nothing about it from hundreds of miles away. Therefore, it’s not reasonable to worry about such things. Let go of the compulsive need to know what you cannot change and what probably won’t even happen!
If you can let go of your worries you will make this a stronger relationship and be able to enjoy your break. If you let your worries consume you, then you will damage your relationship and allow unhealthy habits to occur! Show your man how much you love him by letting him bond with the boys. The mystery and lack of contact will bring you two closer after break is over. So plan to hang with your family, relax and work on a sexy tan to come back with; just don’t forget your SPF!
Xoxo Andi