“The Friend Zone.” We’ve all heard the term, but what exactly does it mean? And more importantly, how does one get in – or out – of this dreaded territory? It has been said time and time again that it is impossible for girls and guys to be friends. When estrogen meets testosterone, our eyes fall on bulging biceps, and they notice our … um … most prominent physical assets. Movies and TV shows love to feature friends whose mutual sexual and emotional attraction overpowers their life-long platonic relationship, but does this always happen? And if not, is it really that bad? After all, some of my best friends with whom I am most able to let go and just relax are boys. Then again, we have all had that friend who – try hard as we may – we can’t just stop picturing naked. I have to just try it once so I can stop wondering, we tell ourselves. It will be for the friendship. So what exactly are the boundaries of the mythical “Friend Zone?” Why does the collegiate community dread this territory so strongly? Is it ever a good thing? And – last but, certainly not least – how does one become trapped in the friend zone, and is it possible – whether for one curious night or for life – to escape?
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He Said …
“There’s that whole theory that girls are attracted to nice guys for friends and douche bags for hookups, but I don’t know. I think it’s kind of messed up when girls only want to get with guys who treat them like sh*t, so I’m not into being an as*hole to a girl in attempt to get her into bed. I think you can pretty much tell when a girl is going to get clingy after a hook-up, so it’s definitely best not to pursue friends who are like that. I don’t mind having girls hang out sometimes, though – especially if they bring friends who I don’t know.” – freshman
“Having a girlfriend obviously puts you in every girl’s friend zone, which can suck when you get out of the relationship, because all of your new options have already decided that they ‘love you like a brother.’ It’s cool that girls can feel like they can be themselves with us, but when you hear that ‘Our friendship is too important to me to jeopardize it with sex,’ that pretty much makes the guy feel weird around the girl after, so it ends the friendship anyway.” – sophomore
“I have female friends who I can hook up with one night and hang out a few days later like normal, but I’ve also had ones that think that since you hang out and then add sex in, it means you’re together. I get that girls sometimes decide that you’re ‘definitely just friends and that’s IT’ because they’re afraid of starting to like a guy and they don’t want sh*t to get awkward. That’s totally cool, I respect that. I do think it’s nice to have friends who are girls, ‘cause they can help you figure out how to get with another girl, how to shake one, or what the hell other girls are talking about.” – junior
“Being zoned sucks. I don’t really get why girls can’t just make out and still hang out. It’s like you have a girl who you’ve never hooked up with, but the second it happens, she starts texting you non-stop, can’t relax around you, freaks out if she sees you with another girl, and just totally changes. Plus if you like a girl that much to hang out with her, chances are you’re gonna try to lock her down. I usually just end up being friends with my friends’ girlfriends.” – junior
“I think girls think the friend zone is a one-way thing, but it’s just not. Sometimes you have a girl who you like to hang out with, but you just don’t want to bang her. I know that all of their magazines tell them that every guy wants to get into every girl’s pants always, no matter what, but that’s really just not true.
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She Said …
“I think girls are more likely to put guys in the friend zone, because they tend to be more shallow than us. Like sometimes I feel like guys will only be friends with girls who they think are cute, as if like she’s a future prospect who just isn’t ready for him yet. We, on the other hand, probably won’t want to hook up with a guy if we’re not attracted to him, but I don’t really know of any girls who won’t even hang out with a guy, like study or get lunch or whatever, just because she doesn’t think he’s attractive.” – freshman
“Sometimes it seems like guys act like they don’t like having female friends, and that’s just dumb. We know that’s not true, so what are you trying to get at? If I think I might possibly get attached to a friend if we hook up, and I’m pretty sure that it won’t be mutual, I won’t do it. I don’t want to ruin a friendship for one night. But it’s nice to have guys around to use as sounding boards every so often, and to do stuff with that your girlfriends might not want to.” – sophomore
“It totally depends on the guy and the situation. If I just want to make out with someone but there’s no one at the party that I’m really interested in, I think it’s fun to have a drunken DFMO with a guy friend. Whatever, why not? I really try not to have sex with guys who I hang out with a lot, though, especially if I’m friends with their friends, because then when ever I’m with the mutual friends I can’t stop thinking about what dirty details they probably now know about me. But being around only girls all the time can get way too dramatic, so I like having guy friends, as long as they don’t skeeze on me.” – junior
“In my opinion, the friend zone can be a great thing because it gives you the chance to hear a guy’s point of view without them necessarily trying to get into your pants. I personally have a lot of guy friends who I love to death, If you are in the friend zone but really want something more, it is definitely possible to get out of it, because the guy could be thinking the same thing. But if want to leave the friend zone and take things to the next level, the guy will view you differently whether you like it or not, so use some caution when exiting the friend zone. There is also the case of a drunk make out with a best friend, which I don’t think is too big a deal.” – junior
“There are many different ways to get stuck in the friend zone, but for me I know pretty immediately if a guy is someone I’ll be able to be attracted to. Obviously this is college and we’ve all had certain experiences, so when I’m drunk I don’t consider making out with a friend to be outside the realm of the friend zone. Anything more physical than that can easily jeopardize the friendship by people having more feelings or feeling uncomfortable being normal. I think at least in college mainly guys fear the friend zone, because I’m sure they all have at least one girl that they started talking to because they were attracted to her and then they become friends as nothing happened over time. If there is sexual tension, it’s just a dance to see who gives in first, and then you see after if the friendship was real and if it will last.” – senior
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So there we have it. We Collegiettes see both merits and disadvantages to having guys as friends, but so do our male counterparts. It can definitely be frustrating when we are attracted to a friend but are nervous that a hook-up might mar the relationship. All in all, it seems as though the best thing to do is not to establish strict rules for yourself, and just to feel each situation out as a unique experience. If taking things to the next level with a friend feels right, go for it. Just remember to do what you think is right for you, and what will make you happiest in the end.