Two weeks ago, we explored Tufts boys’ top ten deal-breakers are regarding their female prospects. While it may seem as though it is impossible not to occasionally commit one of the missteps we discussed, getting a little jealous at a single party or not understanding just one of his jokes is not going to get you the boot. After all, there are couples on campus! Some are in the awkward “What are we?” stage, others have reached the Promised Land of exclusivity, and then there are, of course, those few couples that have seemingly been married since freshman year. While it’s difficult not to sometimes feel as though meaningful collegiate romantic relationships are an urban myth, many random hook-ups and one-night stands do develop into something more long-term. But how does this happen?
Despite our self-conscious fear that a single unfulfilling romp in the hay will certainly drive a guy away, we saw two weeks ago that this is not actually the case. Why, then, do some hook-ups mature and progress, and others stagnate after one or two nights together? We all have our conceptions of what guys don’t want from girls, but what is it that turns their thoughts from “Me = man, she = pretty woman, me = wanna tap that” to fantasies of long-lasting love?
Next page: He Said…
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He Said…
“As a freshman, I’m still getting used to the whole college random hook-up thing, so I’ve never really slept with a girl before dating her. In order for a girl to seem like someone I might want to date, though, she has to be real. I’m still used to getting to know girls first in school, so I’ve always liked girls who aren’t afraid to speak up and don’t waste their time standing around gossiping.” – freshman
“If I wake up the morning after a hook-up and realize that I was wearing hard-core beer goggles the night before, she’s obviously out. But if a girl is cute and fun I’m usually down to see her again, and from there it’s mostly how well we get along. If she doesn’t even give me space when we’re not even a thing then forget it, though – I need a girl who trusts me and who has her own life without me.” – sophomore
“Tufts is so small that you pretty much know enough about a girl to tell if you’d want to date her, even before hooking up. If a girl is hot and she’s good in bed I’ll keep her around for booty calls even if she’s kind of boring or annoying, but I’m not gonna actually spend time with her. I like when girls are happy and enthusiastic – it makes them seem fun to be around. If after hanging out a few times a girl is still really guarded or self-conscious, I’ll pass. It’s got to be easy.” – junior
“Even assh*les want nice girls – I’m not looking to spend a bunch of time with some girl who’s notoriously a b*tch or who thinks it’s “cool” to be totally uninterested in everything. If she makes me laugh, I like that. If she’s – y’know – generous, that gets big points. Especially if she’s into it. But really just being straight with me, giving me space, and not being high-maintenance.” – senior
“Senior guys aren’t looking to get locked down – this is the last eight months that we’re going to be closely surrounded by so many chicks and so much alcohol. I had a girlfriend sophomore year, though, and the thing that most made me want to keep seeing her was just her personality. It feels good when girls get a little jealous, but if they start getting scheme-y or playing mind games – just no. I want a girl who is comfortable enough with me and with herself to just relax. She’s got to be able to just hang out, and forget it if she’s really emotional. The second a girl starts flipping out about random sh*t, though, I’m out.” – senior
Next page: She Said…
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She Said…
“I’m still seeing my high school boyfriend, and the thing that got us together was really just being friends. When we started dating it was basically just our old relationship plus spending more time together, hooking up, and getting more emotionally attached. He always tells me that his favorite thing about me is my laugh, and he always talks about how he misses all of my weird little habits. So I guess I’d say just being yourself and showing a guy that you’re not too insecure to open up and fool around.” – freshman
“It kind of sucks, but what usually messes me up with a guy I’m hooking up with is when I start to actually like him, like, as a person who I want to spend time with. It’s hard for me not to get clingy and jealous, and to want to talk to a guy whenever I’m thinking about him, and want to know that he’s thinking about me. I think when that happens early, though, guys get freaked out and feel trapped, so I think it’s good to try to stay somewhat detached and regulate yourself like, communication-wise. If you just keep after him he’s going to think you don’t have a life, which means you’re probably not that fun or interesting, and who wants to date someone boring?” – sophomore
“Looks, intelligence, a sense of humor, strong personality, and not being stubborn. Thinking about guys with whom things have worked out for me, it’s generally started off pretty chill – no Facebook stalking, not having to see each other every single day, not playing games – that kind of thing. I think guys want to be able to relax, so if you can make it with his bros, that’s huge. Just like letting things flow is the best thing, I think, and trying to stay on equal ground. Guys can tell when you’re trying to be someone who you’re not, and that’s a huge turnoff for them.” – junior
“My last boyfriend and I had met once for like three seconds before the night we first hooked up, and one of the most fun things about the early stage of our relationship was just getting to know each other. Letting your guard down somewhat and being yourself is also really important – having weird little inside jokes and knowing eccentric facts about, and habits of, one another isn’t only fun, but it’s also a subtle form of intimacy that guys are into. If you’re relaxed with a guy, his friends give you the nod, and you have fun with each other, I think the chances are good that you’ll keep seeing each other.” – senior
“I actually talk to my guy friends about this a lot, and most of them generally say the same thing. Hook-ups usually come from physical attraction, repeated ones from having fun together, and relationships from wanting to spend time with a girl outside the bedroom. “ – senior
Next Page: So, what should you do…
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So there you have it, Collegiettes. It seems as though we have a pretty good understanding of what guys want in the beginning stages of a relationship – whether they want it at the same time you do is, unfortunately, far less predictable. According to both the opinions of Tufts guys, and the conjectures of your female peers, it’s important to remember to BE YOURSELF. After all, do you really want to be with a guy who is head-over-heels for the girl he thinks you are? I don’t know about all you, but keeping up a charade like that sounds absolutely exhausting to me. Plus, one of the most vital (and widely desired) components of a relationship is honesty and trust, and those two things can only really be achieved when both parties let their true selves shine through. Just remember, if you’re into a guy but things don’t work out, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you or that you messed up – sometimes timing just sucks, and can totally get in the way of something that could have been. So keep your chin up, let your guard down, and remember that you are the person who determines your self-worth.
Photos courtesy of: hercampus.com, ghbase.com, scienceofrelationships.com, someecards.com