Maintaining a high school relationship once you’ve made the transition into college, whether your significant other goes to school 10 minutes away or 10 hours away, is hard. Love in high school is simple because your lives flawlessly mesh together and the worst thing ever is when your love leaves you for a week for family vacation. Well now that you’re apart, your relationship is going to be tested, undoubtedly, multiple times in these next few weeks, months, or even years. You’ll probably be asking yourself, “is it worth it?” I’ve been there. I am a current sophomore, and I’m going on year two of a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend from high school (who thankfully is pretty close to me), and I have some tips and tricks to help make it easier.
1. Communication is Key
Now this is a no-brainer in any relationship, right? Well, it should be. Communication when you’re separated for any extended amount of time is extremely important. Now, there’s no body language to read or mood to interpret over text or phone or video chat. You need to be upfront about everything. Are you upset because they were tagged in a picture on Facebook with someone else? Tell them. Are you missing them? Tell them. The worst thing to do is let any kind of emotion build up to the point where one thing will make you explode. That just leads to fights and unhappiness which are very hard to fix when your sole method of communication is via technology. Also, make sure that you both know what you’re expecting from each other as far as the relationship goes. If you’re on different pages, you need to talk it out. Ignoring problems is not the way to go.
2. Don’t let your relationship define you
Cool, you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Awesome. That doesn’t mean you have to use that as an excuse. Get out there and enjoy yourself! A relationship where you are made to feel guilty about enjoying your life is a bad one. Make sure that you don’t build your life around them. Other things need to be a priority too. Homework, especially here at Tufts, is a completely necessary thing. Take time from talking to them to finish it. Devote the time and energy you could be spending with them on homework and your grades will reflect the effort. Also, make friends! It’s okay to have a significant other and have friends at the same time. It’s so boring to be the person that goes to class and goes to bed right after. Don’t become a hermit because your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t around. Who will you have if it ends? Just like in high school, friends will be there to support you and spend time with you.
3. Remember: you’re not dating a phone
One thing I missed last year was the way I could tell how my boyfriend was feeling when he was right next to me. At home I usually never texted him – I was always with him. So, to replace that feeling of constant support coming to school, I thought, “OH! I’ve got it, I’m going to text him all the time and I’ll always know what he’s up to and thinking about and his schedule and his life and it’ll be like there’s no separation!!!!!” Great idea, right? No, wrong. It got old quickly. We ran out of things to text about and when we spoke on the phone, there was nothing to recap about the day. Plus, I was missing out on things with my friends while I was always checking my phone. So, try to text less and talk on the phone more – the half hour or so you get to spend hearing their voice is worth more than the 12 hours of constant texting about nothing.
4. Keep things exciting
I don’t know about you, but I love getting mail or really any present. Just because you can’t physically give your significant other a gift doesn’t mean you can’t send them one! Surprises are the best, especially when it’s chocolate, or candy, or even a Tufts t-shirt to let them know that you’re thinking about them. A hand-written letter can also brighten anyone’s day and it costs less than a dollar. A small thoughtful gift can remind them that they’re still a very important part of your life.
5. A picture is worth a thousand words
My snapchat game with my boyfriend has been so strong since we left for school. Snaps of your day help your significant other experience your life. I love seeing snaps of what he’s having for dinner or what he’s watching on TV. It’s a small way to keep them in the loop and it’s so easy. Plus, a few selfies help them see the face they fell in love with and not just your name on their phone.
6. Keep things in perspective by adjusting your expectations
A long distance relationship is not easy, but it can be worth it. Believing that you will be able to spend every single weekend with them is wrong. Every few weeks, if you’re close enough, a night is great. Anything more may make you feel like you don’t have a life at school. You will also have to accept that things will change – you will no longer be able to have them within touching distance. You cannot expect them to be there for you 24 hours out of the day. Realize that this is a change for both of you and being together is a commitment that you both need to be dedicated to. Talk things out if you start to second guess it, spend a weekend at home, or call your parents. If your relationship becomes a chore or a barrier in your life – end it. Who says it can’t work out next year or even in 5 years? No one! Follow what you feel. Ignore the people who tell you that being in a relationship in college is a bad idea. If you love them, there’s no reason you can’t work it out.
photos courtesy of: gotsole.files.wordpress.com, i1254.photobucket.com