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Okay ladies, deny it though we may, we all try to come off as the perfect girl in the early stages of a relationship. We assume that any obvious flaws will drive a guy away, and what if he might have turned out to be the man of your dreams?! But maybe we’ve been going about it the wrong way. Every girl deserves a boyfriend who will tend to her every need, a guy who really understands her lifestyle. So maybe instead of following the mantra of “perfect attracts perfect,” we should be more pragmatic, and focus on weeding out all of the losers we don’t want. Sound like a good plan? Here are all the dating tips you’ve been looking for to zero in on your Mr. Right.
1)   Date your entire dorm. Try to take out, hit up, smush every single guy on your floor. In order to find your Prince Charming, you may have to go through a few toads. You need practice, and there’s no better place to find lots of guys at your disposal than right in your own residence hall. Who cares if you become a topic of dorm gossip? All that matters is that people are talking about you. (Plus, it makes Sunday evening Hall Snacks a lot more entertaining!)
2)   Get sloppy. The best way to ease the tension on a first date is to get hammered, and I mean really shwasted. We all know that alcohol provokes honesty, so this way you won’t have to pretend to laugh at his jokes, or feign interest in his boring stories. Plus, he’s paying, and who doesn’t like free drinks?!
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3)   Read him your list. Whether yours is stored in the back of your mind, written in an obscure section of your day planner, or typed into the Notes app. on your iPhone, every Collegiette has a list of what she wants in a man. Let him know from day one that you are looking for a McDreamy who loves dogs, has money to splurge on you, likes to snuggle, will never turn down a sushi date, and can pull off a man scarf. He needs to know what you’re looking for, and you need to know if he fits the bill. So if he’s a cat person, spends money he doesn’t have, isn’t a cuddler, hates Taipei Tokyo, or prefers to rock a neck warmer: boom! Time to say buh-bye and continue the search.
4)   Don’t bother showering. At the end of the night, we all know you’re just trying to get him in bed to work up a sweat, anyway. Why not save yourself an hour and be considerate to the other girls on your floor, and opt for a less hygienic route? This also gives you an easy out for those awkward mornings when he suggests breakfast. “Wow, being seen with you in Dewick before 9 AM sounds super tempting, but I really need to shower – it’s been a few days.”
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5)   Figure out your couple name, STAT. Yes, he may have just suggested a casual study sesh before your Chem midterm, but – in all honesty – that means you’re nearing the Honeymoon Phase, so you need to get your name out there. I mean, how else are people going to know that you two are officially an item! Should your name go first, or should his? Should you use your first names, or last? Try out different combinations, and at the right moment – probably in between problem sets – spring your ideas on him. Don’t worry, that weird, confused look on his face is probably just his surprise that you actually took the time to care.
6)   Be a Negative Nancy. I mean really lay it on thick. Tell him that you hate the way your History professor talks (imitation included), or how this type of weather can totally makes your hair frizz up – “Do you think it looks okay?!” Try to criticize every person who walks by, taking quick breaks to go off on tangents about your job, family, and high-maintenance lifestyle. If this relationship is going to work, he needs to know how you feel about things quickly so that if – God forbid – problems arise in the future, he will know how tend to your every need.
7)  Always answer your phone when you’re with him. You’re a hot commodity, and he needs to know that. Obviously, you can’t have your popularity become an issue in your relationship; no one wants the envious, green-eyed monster to appear. So, right from the get-go, text your friends and answer your phone as constantly as possible. Even if it’s your mom, launch into a conversation about how fabulous you are. You can even say that it was an ex of yours calling, begging you to take him back. Your new guy will soon see how highly you’re in demand, and will adjust his behavior accordingly.
OK. OK. Yes, I’m joking. You would definitely want to do the opposite of all the above! So, for those of you who actually want to land a second date (and potentially the man of your dreams), check out DateMySchool, and log on to see who you might have a connection with.
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Photos courtesy of: jacobsrecuperation.blogspot.com, lifeoflittlemissme.blogspot.com, lifeupblog.wordpress.com