It’s finally here – the long-awaited visual rendition of the first book in E. L. James’ erotic romance trilogy. The hype leading up to its release has been insane, resulting in a record-breaking $81.7 million in sales within three days of its release. I knew what to expect from reading the books and yet had many mixed feelings during and after the movie. If, like me, you were one of the bajillion people who rushed to watch it over the long weekend, these thoughts probably sound familiar to you:
I don’t know whether I’m excited or terrified to see how much of the sex scenes they’re going to show.
Ana’s self-deprecation thing is a little annoying, but the awkwardness is cute.
Okay, maybe I didn’t realize how awkward it would be to watch a full-blown sex scene with a few hundred strangers. In a really dark room.
This is barely a few shades tamer than porn. (See what I did there? Ha..ha..)
I’m seeing a lot of their butt-cheeks…
The constant giggling during the sex is not making it any less weird.
“You’re so bossy! Ana, let’s go for coffee. Anah, lez go fur coffeh. No, stay away from me Ana.. I don’t want you. Get away. Come here, come here. Go away.” Rockin’ that drunk call, Ana.
“I’ll launder this item.” Perfection.
Damn, this soundtrack is orgasmic. I mean eargasmic. Actually both.
Is the costume designer genius or does Jamie Dornan just look like sex in everything he wears?
All hail Jamie Dornan’s V-lines.
Wooh. The vocals on this Beyoncé track kicked in the second Christian whipped her with that riding crop.
Bey did that on purpose.
Queen.
Oh, that’s a full bush.
Peacock feather? Interesting.
*Ana calls a meeting, shows up looking smoking hot, owns the meeting, teases Christian and then leaves him dying of thirst.* YUS you go girl.
For real though, what on earth are butt plugs?
Oh jeez. The red room is like CVS for BDSM. So many…so organized…
“I’m fifty shades of f*cked up.” No, really?! We had no idea.
Omg his apartment. His cars. His life.
She’s so lucky…
Oh my god he’s actually whipping her with a belt.
Stop. STOP.
I take it back, wouldn’t wanna be her.
Whoa, wait, it’s over?
Um… okay. See you for the sequel?