What Happened Last Night? Coming out, Creepy Encounters, & Stalkers.

Remember to submit your stories here!

[pagebreak]

So I’m hooking up with this girl who isn’t out to her friends/family, and all i wanna do is tell somebody about us, because i really like her, but i can’t because she isn’t ready for people to know she’s not straight…this weekend in my drunken excitement (and sloppy romantic feelings) i let slip to a mutual friend that this girl and i are an item….I’m so afraid now that word will get out and she’ll be mad…do i preemptively tell her that i let the cat out of the bag, or do i just keep quiet and hope the shit stays far away from the fan?

Given the circumstances, we suggest you just hope the shit never hits the fan. We understand you were drunk, but this is not your secret to tell and you need to be respectful. As for letting it slip to the mutual friend, your friend probably didn’t think you were being serious and most likely won’t think twice about it. After all, your partner isn’t out, so why would anyone suspect her of being gay anyways? Hopefully your mutual friend was as drunk as you and doesn’t even remember.

[pagebreak]

Hey girls! So this past Saturday night a guy came back to my room with me… and well, you know the drill– clothes came off and we were close to “doin the dirty deed.” but ugh! He couldn’t “get it up,” you know, “get hard” (his dick was not erect). In other words, I was left to deal with said “limp dick.” Trust me, this dude was just as frustrated as I was. So, he says to me, “no worries, ill take this to the bathroom and come back a ‘new man.” I mean, what kind of freak says that!?!? I was so freaked out I texted my bestie to come to the room because I didn’t want to be alone when he returned a “new man,” so obvs she came running over. I was bashing him to my friend saying he was a freak and then he busts in and says to her, “WHAT’S THE PROBLEM? IS IT MY LACK OF ERECTION?” (Btw I live in an all girls house so we also heard an innocent girl scream at him “you can’t just jack off in here ahhhh!!!!)

I am so creeped out… Like are boys really this weird? What if I see him again? Is it normal for guys to terrorize innocent females in an all girl’s restroom by stroking their penis? Help!!! I am scared to attempt to have sex again :(

Wow, sounds like you really chose a winner! On the bright side, know that this malfunction is common when guys are too drunk. However, this dude seems willing to take extreme measures to solve his problem. He shouldn’t be indecently touching himself in a girl’s presence, not to mention a complete stranger in a bathroom. Don’t get too freaked-hopefully the next guy you hook up with won’t be as emotional or as sexually frustrated as this limp-dick.  

[pagebreak]

There’s this freshman guy that I hooked up with twice at the beginning of the year. It was nothing serious– I have a boyfriend now in my own grade (I’m a junior) and this freshman keeps showing up at my door trying to catch me with my boyfriend. Obviously it’s not a secret that I am in a relationship but this guy keeps trying to bust in and ruin my relationship. He is such a pest! How do I get him to stop… I thought only girls had attachment issues.

We all have that guy who never seems to catch the hint and leave us alone. But it seems to us that your guy is more of a stalker than anything. Clue your boyfriend in on the details of your hookup so he doesn’t feel threatened by the freshman. Then it’s time to lock the door, physically and emotionally. If you ignore him and don’t give in to his quest for attention, he’ll eventually find a new target. Good luck!

[pagebreak]

Hey. So I was dancing at a party at an off-campus house when a really cute senior guy started dancing with me. So we start grinding, a little intensely, and by this time we’re making out. Next thing I know, this dude is full on fingering me. I started to get a little…..and I was making some noises. Some girl tripped over the wire and the music shut off. All anyone could hear were my groans. When I walked into Carm for lunch the other day, I could feel everyone staring. How do I recover?!?!

The truth is, it’s gonna take a long fucking time to recover from that disaster. We don’t care if this guy has the face of Ryan Gosling , no one is worth sacrificing your self-decency for.  Some things are just better kept for the bedroom, which is where you should be eating your meals from now on.

[pagebreak]

Oh my god I had sex with two guys in the STREET and I had no idea how it even happened. It was CRAZY.

WOW. Your trophy is in the mail.