WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?! SPRING 2014 PREMIER EDITION

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Click through the next few pages to check out what jumbos have been up to these past couple weeks….

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Last night, I saw a girl make out with a street sign. She caressed the sign and tried to cuddle up to it. Tufts just took it to another level.

You know your college is lacking options when people start cuddling up to street signs as a last resort. Can’t say we blame her. Can street signs take you to formal?

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This weekend I probably went too hard for a thing that wasn’t worth it, but I did meet this amazing guy.. the thing is I don’t for the life of me know his name.. we made out on the dance floor and he was acting super into me but now i just have no idea how to get in touch with him/ if i will ever see him again…

Couldn’t have been that great if you didn’t exchange information. If a guy wants to get in touch with you, he’ll find a way, but something tells us that he’s on to the next dance floor rendezvous.

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I fell asleep at Royale, the bus, the train station, and the train. I didn’t even get on the right train…

Next time you get that wasted, make sure you do something more eventful, because now you’re putting us to sleep.

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I’m in a long distance relationship cause my bf is currently abroad and we decided to have skype sex for the first time last night. Everything was going great and i was actually feelin super in the mood until… my housemate walked in! I was MORTIFIED. I was especially embarrassed because I was wearing my jumbo hat w/ elephant ears  (we just really love tufts so we often wear elephant themed stuff before we do it). It’s like actually not as weird as it seems its just like a fun little thing that spices things up. My housemate was really nice about it but I still feel SO weird. Should I apologize? How do I handle this? PLZ HELP

-Skype Sexer

Dear Skype Sexer,

First of all, you have nothing to apologize for—good for you for keeping your sex life alive while your boyfriend is miles away. We appreciate the creativity in an effort to “spice things up” but if you’re making the effort to dress in that attire, lets hope that you’re greeted by a different kind of  *jumbo* on the other end.

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I’m having a major issue with my housemate. She’s really cool and we get along really well but she has the loudest sex EVER. Her room is above mine and I swear once my wall shook so badly my mirror fell down. She moans SO much and her boy toy slams his fists against the wall when he’s done. Sometimes they go at it ALL hours of the night. What do I say without sounding like a total prude?

You are sounding like a total prude. Buy some earplugs and start thinking of ways to get a guy pounding his fists against your own bedroom walls.  

• what happened last night