Did you know up to 75 % of college students will, at some point in their career, have a long-distance relationship? Yeah, that’s right, seven and five. Seventy-five. I thought this was a statistical fallacy, there was no way this could be true. Until, of course, I then entered a long-distance relationship myself this past semester after my “hot girl abroad” experience and quickly realized, after I complained to people, that quite a large proportion of the people I am acquainted with have been, or are in, a long-distance situation. Who knew? Not me. But anyways, what does this mean for me, a perpetual relationship cynic? Well, it means that I have some navigating to do, as well as some soul-searching.
As someone who never saw themselves in a very serious relationship in college because of A) how busy I am B) how I refuse to participate in hook-up culture, being taken is now an interesting feeling, and not an unwelcome one at that. Adding the layer of distance is another completely complicated and equally confusing thing to think through as well. But, being in love makes all of the new feeling and diligence required very worth it. With Valentine’s Day just cruising past us in this short month of February, I thought it might be beneficial to talk about the struggles of having someone you love is so far away from you, and as a couple how to attack those challenges of distance.
To be honest, I was excited for Valentine’s Day this year, even if it meant some extra planning for a virtual coordination with my Boyfriend. Our biggest enemy is the time difference between Scotland and Louisiana, which made planning things mildly problematic. In case we wound up not being able to call for a concentrated amount of time during the day, my boyfriend and I sent each other letters in the mail that were due to arrive on February 14th so we’d have a piece of one another on the day. Then, closer to Valentine’s Day, we realized we both had some time in the evening to eat dinner on camera, burn some romantic candles, and catch up in real-time, instead of via text. Do you know how nice it was to be able to see him smile in a red t-shirt that he put on just for me, because he knew I was wearing red for the holiday? So nice. It made me so happy to be able to have some quality time, even if it was virtual. In the day of modern technology, we’re all closer than ever before. And while I have mixed feelings about social media, in this case, I wasn’t so opposed to all things virtual.
Once we finished dinner, we watched my favorite romantic comedy on Disney+ together, and FaceTimed each other during it so we could both make snarky comments throughout. It really felt like he was there next to me, watching the movie beside me and pulling me closer in our embrace. So then, once reality hit and I realized I wouldn’t be able to see him for another six weeks, my heart dropped. Facing the reality of long-distance is devastating, and even more so when your partner can actively watch you be upset, and unable to do anything about it. So, how have we even begun to tackle this deep despair? Well, we made a list of things to do whenever the other can’t be with them that remind them of us. A couple of mine that I wrote to remind me of him:
- Drink a cup of tea
- Listen to Loch Lomond (Scottish Song)
- Eat a Jelly Donut
- Read one of his letters he wrote me
… and plenty more that I, for the sake of length, can’t put in this article. These little actions are so strongly associated to my boyfriend though, that within the act of them there is a comfort. In addition to cooperatively creating these lists for each other when we miss one another, we also made a notes app collaborative list of things we’re going to do once we see each other again. Every time we mention something we should do, it immediately goes on the list. This gives us both something to look forward to, and something to be optimistic about together. My boyfriend also suggested those little lamps that change color when you press them so the other person knows how you feel, no matter how far across the world you are – Maybe we invest in something like that together for whoever’s birthday is next, who knows?
Through all of these things, I am comforted by my love. The act of making these plans to make myself feel better when we miss one another was also a loving and meaningful collaborative action. And while I do miss him, and continue to miss him, Valentine’s Day wasn’t an entire bust because of the open and honest conversations we had about how difficult it can be to be apart on the one day of year that is all about cherishing love. While we couldn’t cherish each other in person, we figured out how to cherish each other from afar, and the decision to continue to cherish the other person while away is one I’d make over and over everyday.