The freshman fifteen. Or, as we like to call it here, the Tulane ton. We’ve all heard of it and have been warned about how real it is. I was always on the chubbier side, so I went into college thinking that a few pounds here and there wouldn’t make much of a difference. For a while, I didn’t mind that I was gaining weight. I definitely noticed it, but I figured that everyone else was going through the same thing so it wasn’t a big deal.
Coming home after my freshman year, I felt more isolated than ever despite the fact that I was in the town that I had known my entire life. I missed my friends from school, I missed never-ending opportunities to get out and do something, and I just generally missed the campus atmosphere. I had an abundance of *me time* and I started to realize how much my weight gain at school had affected me both physically and mentally. I sank into a cycle of mindlessly eating whatever I wanted, then constantly being angry with myself for doing so. I was constantly exhausted and had no desire to do anything or go anywhere. Long story short, I was super unhealthy. I told myself that I was going to change my lifestyle and get fit, but I wasn’t fully committed until I truly hit rock bottom and could no longer stand to look at myself in the mirror.
Within a few days, I began a diet program that was extremely restrictive and guaranteed a 20 pound loss in 40 days. While diets like this can often be a fad and wind up doing more damage than good, I had met with a doctor who approved the program for me, but only short-term. Luckily, I started to see results within a week or so. I was no longer tired after eating, my pre-college clothes were starting to fit again, and I slowly began to rebuild my confidence. More importantly, I was surprised to discover new things about me internally, as opposed to my physical appearance. The most shocking revelation was that I actually had some form of self-control when it comes to food. I used to practically live on carbs and sugar, both of which were completely prohibited. And I survived. I wouldn’t say it was easy, but I did it and I was starting to form a much better relationship with food that had once been so destructive. I was giving my body what it needed and in return I saw the results that I needed to see. I was so happy with my progress that I even made an Instagram account dedicated to health. ME, the girl who always yelled at her friends for ordering a salad at a Mexican restaurant, made a HEALTH INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT. If you told me about this a year ago I literally would’ve laughed in your face for a solid five minutes.
Another important lesson that my weight loss taught me is that a person’s life is so much more than superficial things, such as their body. This is basic logic, but it’s hard to remember when young women and girls are constantly being shown body types that may not be realistic or attainable. Before my weight-loss I fantasized of a life where I was skinny and thought that it would magically fix all of my problems. Even as a thinner and healthier version of myself, life is far from perfect and even as I continue to lose weight it will never be perfect. Sure, models do get some advantages, especially in the age of social media, but there is so much more to being a successful and happy woman than a flat stomach and a thigh gap.
While I am so proud of myself for everything I’ve accomplished in the past few months, there is always work to do. I have changed my entire lifestyle and I continue to work on improving myself, both physically and mentally, every day. Some days I eat clean and go to the gym, but every so often there are those days I when eat a bowl of pasta and watch too many episodes of Criminal Minds. It happens. For me, learning to accept my mistakes is just as hard if not harder than losing the weight and this process has had a much larger effect on my mental health than I anticipated. It’s an emotionally draining process to go through such a drastic life change, but accomplishing your goals, whatever they may be, is an unmatched feeling.