College is supposed to be one of the best times of our lives, so why does it feel so isolating? Growing up, the media I consumed – from TV shows and YouTube videos to music – painted the picture of a perfect era, filled with never-ending excitement, new opportunities, and friendships. But now that I’m here, the reality feels far from what I imagined. Ironically, all I want is to relive the nostalgic moments I was once so desperate to live past. I spent years aching to be older and ready for the next phase of life, and I have a lingering sense of disappointment for not appreciating the more adolescent parts of my life. Now I’m learning that living more presently has to start from within.
Every year I get older, I notice I’m still waiting for a different time. I am waiting for the semester to end, for the year to be over, or for a future where I feel more secure with an active social life. I’ve lived this way for too long and don’t want to anymore – and I’m sure I’m not alone in this feeling. A big part of the issue is that college life hasn’t lived up to the aesthetic that I’ve been yearning for since I was nine. The shows and movies made it seem like it would be nonstop fun, but the truth is, this phase of life can feel lonely and lackluster. It makes me daydream about a different time of life in the near future, where I’m the same person but in a different timeline.
Although this may seem bleak, it’s the reality for me and others in this space of life. When reality doesn’t live up to our expectations or our wildest imagination, it can feel like we’ve let down a piece of our childhood self. The best way I’ve learned to cope with this feeling is to mindfully slow down the urge to rush through life. Sometimes the only way to feel present is to fall in love with spending time alone and learn to love the version of yourself that exists right now. When reality isn’t what you imagined it would be, at least you can still adore the person you are becoming.
Be Kind to Yourself
It starts with giving yourself some grace. When life isn’t manifesting the way you dreamed, it’s easy to feel dissatisfied with life. Navigating college at this time also adds an extra layer of sorrow, especially when you see others who seem to be living a different reality that’s more of what you imagined. Do not beat yourself up because you aren’t where you thought you’d be or this isn’t the experience you pictured in your mind. Speak kind words to yourself. You can’t achieve a positive and present attitude by speaking down on yourself.
Romanticize Life
What does living in the present even mean? There’s not a set definition, but for me, it’s about living through moments fully instead of trying to get to the end. Romanticizing everything about your current life and position is a great way to live presently. Live through the walk to class or the library and take in the scenery or how the air feels. Try a new recipe that you’ve been saving for a “better” time. Look for pockets of beauty even in the most mundane things. That has been really helpful for me and it makes me feel like I am honoring my time and myself in whatever current life I’m living.
Nourish Your Inner Child
Nostalgia is a silent killer for me. I crave to experience just one day of my childhood life. I feel like I need to go back and experience a day from a conscious level of understanding that the past is never coming back. But I don’t have a time machine, so the best way to fight this is by doing things that my childhood self loved – like watching an old Disney show (my go-to is Hannah Montana) or a movie that shaped your childhood. Listen to old music – this is the strongest sense of relief or nostalgia because music can transport you back to a different time, like when you first heard the song or when you listened to it for the 100th time. There are a million ways to do something at your age now that causes the child in you to sparkle, and it makes living life much easier.
Sit in the Uncomfortable Silence
One of the most difficult things about growing up, and college, is facing the still moments when it’s just you and your thoughts – alone. Life’s worries feel amplified and your mind is running wild, but learning to sit with yourself and appreciate your time is essential to living presently. It’s uncomfortable, I know, but it is the only way to build a relationship with yourself that makes you glad to be the person you are right now.
Feel your feelings, look for the beauty in everything, and get reacquainted with yourself. The past is gone, and the future isn’t here yet, but what you do have is yourself – and the ability to live in this moment. Goodbye for now.