To Be or Not to Be

We’ve all read William Shakespeare’s cautionary tale, Romeo and Juliet, in which two young (but serious) lovers find themselves in a load of trouble. Suffice it to say, nothing ends in “happily ever after.” But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here in Chicago, it’s finally starting to look like spring—the birds are chirping, the bees are buzzing, and love is in the air.
 
Love, you say? What love? I’ve been running around this very campus trying to find it since I got here! Is this you, the hopeless romantic on the prowl for the man/woman of your dreams, or are you the independent woman saying, “Love…who needs it?”
 
I think everyone expects something different when it comes to relationships in college, and everyone finds different things. Some enter college in a steady relationship with a high school sweetheart; others enter freshly broken-up with that same sweetie, looking for a fresh start; then there are those looking for romance and those that aren’t. I’d argue that there are merits to all of these situations, but everyone has a different take. Lets break it down a bit:
 
You’re Single: You, yourself, and you. No dates, no flings, but maybe a hook-up here and there—nothing committal. Maybe you just don’t have time in your busy schedule or you just aren’t interested. It’s not your thing and you want to focus on you. Pros? You’re free to pretty much do whatever you want with whomever you want whenever you want. Cons? When your best friend is raving about her latest date, it can start to feel a bit lonely. If that’s the case, take comfort in the rumor that 50% of UChicago alumni marry other UChicago alumni, so there’s a good chance your perfect person is walking around campus as you read this.
 
You’re Dating: You might have something going on with someone, but you aren’t ready for the boyfriend-girlfriend/girlfriend-girlfriend nomenclature or you’re just testing out the waters, checking out your options, and playing the field simply because you can. Pros? It’s still all about what you want, not about what we want. Cons? The frustration that comes with throwing your line in yet again in hopes you’ll catch a good fish, feeling like you’re starting over every time, or waiting for that special someone to finally make a move.
 
You’re “Going Steady”: It’s definitely serious. It can be brand spanking new or you could be that couple that everyone knows has been together forever. You finish each other’s sentences, you talk to each other as frequently as you can, and on some days, nothing is better than being with your guy/girl. Pros? There is always someone there to have your back or take care of you when you’re sick or feeling down, everything is a little bit sunnier on even the cloudiest days, and you have a cuddle buddy when it gets cold outside. Cons? Your mother warns you to not get too serious because she doesn’t want you to settle, things that once were cutesy are now habit and not nearly as exciting, and you don’t get the chance to have that whirlwind date-everyone-and-his-[frat]brother college experience.
 
I think it’s fair to say that any involvement, or lack thereof, with a person can cause drama right before a huge exam, so let’s call that irrelevant. And I certainly believe that you can be an independent woman while being in a relationship. The question comes down to what works best for you.
 
Earlier, a friend told me, “It depends on the woman. I mean some are incredibly independent who can’t deal with a serious thing while they are focused on their future career.” My response? A lot of the time, being with my guy helps me stay focused because otherwise, I get too stressed and wrapped up in thinking about my future professional life. At the same time, I totally understand that that’s how some people operate. For those of you wondering if your long distance relationship is going to work out, take comfort in the fact that many of the long distance relationships I know of are perfectly successful, but like any relationship, they take work.
 
Ultimately, it’s all about willingness to work out differences and making sure that you find the right balance. If you’re single and looking, my advice is to just go with the flow. It’s never easy, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from friends, personal experience, and a good chick flick here and there, it’s that the person of your dreams pops up when you least expect it and that good things come to those who wait (so buy some more fishing line and don’t give up!). For those of you that are single and not looking, more power to you! For those in relationships plunging into stagnant water, remember to spice it up once in a while. An ex once told me post-break up, “Your happiness is paramount.” Never let that go, ladies.