“You have to break up with your boyfriend to get the college experience” — says everyone ever. Being a college student, you are constantly thrown into situations that force you to step outside of your comfort zone. For me growing up, my boyfriend was my comfort zone. It is not a seamless transition into college life when your attitude about commitment differs from the majority, but it is not impossible. Here’s how I struggled with this adjustment during my freshman year, and tips from my personal experiences on easing the transition.
Anxiety about going out
Thankfully, I am lucky enough to have a boyfriend that encourages and makes me feel good about spending a night out. However, I would still find myself stressing out about going because I often felt like the odd one out. If I’m with a group of single girls, I get nervous when they approach guys because I don’t want to be left alone. The absolute LAST thing I would want to do is to leave early or ruin their nights in any way. What helped me was sitting down and talking to my friends about the way I felt, and they all immediately understood. So, an absolute must of my “college experience” was finding a group of girls that were supportive and considerate. Another aspect of going out that I struggled with was not wanting my boyfriend to feel FOMO (fear of missing out). I would find myself worrying that I was causing him anxiety by going out when in reality he was totally supportive. It was so important for us to be able to communicate about what was a stressor and giving reassurance to one another in order to have the most smooth, enjoyable night out.
How to grow independently
Being in college, there is so much to figure out about yourself and your future. Making time to balance your workload, friends, and clubs is something that requires a lot of independent growth. You need to be able to prioritize yourself before anything else. This is something in particular that I really struggled with because I used to hold my relationship as an equal priority, which was extremely overwhelming. And for this, I say it needs time. You need time to adjust to your new schedule and figure out an arrangement that won’t leave you burnt out by the end of the day. The beginning may be bumpy, but in a few months, you will have a routine that allows you to focus on the various aspects of college life and your relationship simultaneously.
BALANCING SOCIAL LIFE
In order to meet new friends in college, you really need to put in the time and energy to foster those relationships. Sometimes, sleeping over at a friend’s dorm may mean you do not Facetime your boyfriend at night, and that’s totally healthy. Having a group of friends in college is so important to feeling like you belong. We all need somebody to lean on. I struggled with this in the first few weeks of college because my boyfriend was also pretty much my best friend. I would find myself prioritizing talking to him instead of meeting new people because I was so codependent. However, that got lonely fast. I quickly realized that not having a group to go get dinner or study with felt terrible. Honestly, I learned that it is just as simple as saying “hi” in order to meet your people. Part of navigating college life is learning how to be brave, and it can be so, so rewarding.
WANTING TO GO HOME ON WEEKENDS
As high school sweethearts, my boyfriend and I lived in the same town growing up. So, it was extremely tempting during my freshman year to spend the weekends back at home. That was where my comfort was. However, I quickly learned that doing so consistently made me feel really disconnected from my school. The weekdays can be so busy because everyone has clubs and classes, so it is really important to grow your relationships with friends over the weekend. Entering college for the first time is undoubtedly scary, but you have to be willing to try.
COMMUNICATION
One undoubtedly challenging part of long-distance relationships is learning how to communicate while not being physically present with your partner. There are going to be times you cannot Facetime at night because of schoolwork or hanging out with friends. There are going to be times you do not answer your partner’s text messages throughout the day because your schedule is so packed. And there are certainly going to be times when you and your partner get into a fight because of a miscommunication or a total lack of communication. The thing is, most of us in college are still young kids. We don’t have experience with this level of maturity in a new situation. It is important to remember that you and your partner are both still learning about how to navigate this adjustment. My advice? Be patient, be understanding, don’t jump to conclusions, and find ways to let your partner know that you are thinking of them especially when you are going to be busy for the day. Practicing communication in a committed relationship is essential for being able to thrive as a partner and as an individual.
Navigating college life in a committed relationship is no easy task. It requires a great deal of maturity, independence, and stepping out of your comfort zone. In my opinion, there is no one definition of a “college experience.” My ideal college experience became making new friends, figuring out my career, joining new clubs, and learning how to thrive independently. So, make your college experience whatever allows you to feel the most fulfilled at the end of the day. And know, it does not matter what anyone else says, it is totally possible to succeed in your relationship as a college student, as long as you and your partner put in mutual effort and communication.