Carrie Bradshaw; writer, New Yorker, fashionista and self proclaimed single gal, was an inspiration for many in the 1990s and 2000s. She is a metropolitan woman who managed to have a fun and interesting dating life, a great group of female friends, a great job, and a wardrobe that was one of the greatest in TV history. It is no wonder why the show was such a big hit and has managed to transcend generations. However, as the show has aged and its fandom has grown, criticism has been directed towards the show, and most importantly toward Carrie Bradshaw, our leading lady. TikTok has created a new wave of hate towards the character in which audiences have spoken of their contempt towards her. However, I don’t agree with this criticism, instead I think that we should look at Carrie Bradshaw with greater kindness and should acknowledge her everlasting impact.
Carrie Bradshaw’s role as the narrator of the show makes her the focal point but also offers a great understanding of her character. The show revolves around her sex column where she writes about her and her friends’ dating and sex lives. Within this column she offers an interesting perspective on dating through her witty and introspective comments. Her column is a reflection of herself and her views on the world, and what I have noticed is that she often has a very intelligent and understanding perspective. She does not absolve herself of her faults, and does not give moralistic judgement, instead she asks interesting questions about society by understanding people’s sex lives.
Her column shows just how good Carrie is at understanding the world around her and also her friends. By guiding the episodes through her column, we as the audience get to see a side of Carrie which is not always present in her actions, but is no less important. The column provides the audience with a side of Carrie that is not unthinking and self-centered like online audiences have suggested, but rather the side of her that is understanding and intelligent.
Carrie Bradshaw definitely has the most interesting wardrobe in the entire show. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments throughout the show in which I am obsessed with the outfits of the other girls, such as Miranda’s puffer jacket and dungaree combo in Season 2, Episode 1, almost reflecting the street style of Princess Diana. However, no girl on the show takes as many fashion risks as Carrie. Even though these risks may not always be looked upon fondly by audiences who have named themselves the fashion police, they fail to recognize that Carrie does not dress like a regular person. She is someone who is fashion obsessed, constantly talking about designers and attending fashion events. As such, her fashion is not for the everyday person but for those lucky enough to be part of the fashion world.
Carrie is always experimenting with her clothes and always finds a themed look for any occasion. Now these looks might not always play to everyone’s tastes, such as the look that she wears in Season 4, Episode 15, that sees her wearing a belt around her bare waist with a cropped shirt, that makes you think the whole time, why did she add the belt? But, if it was not for her wearing these interesting and sometimes questionable outfits, we would have never been gifted some of her most iconic outfits. Without her “ugly” outfits, we may never have gotten her dark grey mini dress and shades look in Season 2, Episode 15 that so many people have tried to recreate or her iconic tutu look sported in the title sequence of the show. By experimenting and sometimes falling in her looks, Carrie’s character was able to have the most interesting and well put together outfits of the show. Carrie understood fashion, like no other, and as such was willing to take risks which often paid off. Carrie was and will always be a style icon who’s fun and experimental fashion has inspired other women to experiment with their own wardrobe and to become interested in high fashion.
Now, let’s get into the biggest reasons that people dislike Carrie Bradshaw, her relationship with Mr. Big, and her relationship with her friends.
As the show focuses on the four main girls’ dating lives, it is obvious that people would have opinions on who they date and their reoccurring dating habits. However, no girl gets as much stick online as Carrie does, especially when speaking on her relationship with Big. We meet Big right at the beginning of the show and he is presented as this cool, illusive and flirtatious big wig. Due to these characteristics, Big is what we would call a typical playboy who precedes to give Carrie the run around for the next 6 seasons. Carrie seems to be attracted to his cockiness and darker sense of humor, which seemingly blinds her to his faults. Big is unreliable and egotistical, and is aware that Carrie is under his control, as such he allows himself to play with her feelings as he knows she will come running back to him.
The audience has however, decided that this relationship and all its faults were completely due to Carrie, with her acting too desperate and failing to notice that Big is not that into her. But, is it her fault that someone who is 11 years her senior has decided that in his 40’s he would like to emotionally manipulate a woman by failing to establish his actual intent and constantly trying to get back into her life when she is in new happy relationships? When Carrie and Aidan go to Aidan’s cabin in upper New York state in Season 4 Episode 9, Big comes to the cabin to discuss his breakup from his model girlfriend without really being invited, fails to acknowledge how uncomfortable the situation is for Aidan, and proceeds to have a physical fight with Aidan. Big enjoys staying in Carrie’s life and sees her as this built-in therapist, sex buddy, without letting her move on from their never-ending situationship.
However, this is definitely not me saying that Carrie does not play a part in this failing relationship. Carrie lacks the self-respect to realize how toxic the relationship is, and when Big talks to her about how toxic he was in the relationship, she continues to downplay the negative impact the relationship has had for her. Carrie’s biggest sin in regards to Big, is when she cheats on Aidan with him, which plagues both her relationships with Aidan. Now this is a low for Carrie and is the greatest representation of Big’s hold on her, but this does not make her villain. Instead, this makes Carrie human and like many other women. We hate to admit it but Carrie is much more like most of us than we care to admit. I know plenty of women who have stayed with toxic boyfriends or somehow justified a failing situationship in which a guy completely uses them at their beck and call. It confuses me that we have decided that we are above having a relationship like Big and Carrie’s, when most women I know who have had any form of relationship with men have let them at some point treat them like Big treats Carrie. Carrie and Big’s relationship is therefore, whether we like it or not, an accurate representation of modern dating.
Now, the other main issue that the internet has with Carrie Bradshaw is her relationship with her female friends. Carrie is often presented online as a selfish and self-obsessed friend who is not properly there for her friends. Now in some instances this is totally the case, and Carrie seems to often go on and on about her own problems and relationships, without properly listening to her friend’s problems. Take in Season 4, Episode 7 when Miranda hurts her neck in the shower and asks Carrie to come round and help, and Carrie instead sends around Aidan to help her, which leaves Miranda mortified and angry at Carrie, who fails to acknowledge what she did wrong. Carrie can sometimes not be the most thoughtful friend, however, she is certainly not a bad friend. Carrie is often an incredibly good friend, willing to listen to her friends’ problems, who always seem to go to her for advice. She is also always willing to help her friends out. Such as in Season 3, Episode 12, when during Charlotte’s wedding, Charlotte shows signs of hesitation and Carrie is straight away reassuring her that she would support her decision to not go through with the wedding. Or in Season 4 Episode 18 where it is Carrie who stays throughout with Miranda as she gives birth to her baby, ditching her last night with Big in the process. Carrie throughout the show is willing to help out her friends in a crisis and is often who her friends look to for help.
Furthermore, her friends aren’t perfect either. When Miranda has a baby, it is not Carrie who is a bad friend, but Samantha who acts as if Miranda having a baby is a great inconvenience and starts to exclude Miranda. It is only when Carrie suggests the stress that Miranda is under that Samantha bothers to become slightly more involved with Miranda’s baby. It also all three of the girls who judge Samantha’s new relationship with a woman in Season 4 Episode 4, all saying homophobic remarks. Yet it is seemingly only Carrie who faces criticism for her actions toward her friends, when all the women are guilty of sometimes being bad friends. The show is realistic and recognizes that women are not always the greatest friends to each other, but also recognizes the importance of female friendships, of which Carrie as a friend to these women plays a central role in their happiness. It seems hypocritical for audiences to regard Carrie in this way, when we too probably have been guilty of being bad friends, even if we are generally good friends, just like Carrie is.
Much of the criticism towards Carrie seems unjust and unfair. Why do so many women feel such hatred towards her character when she seems to be so much like the regular woman? Is it because our culture requires women to be perfect, whilst also somehow wanting to watch portrayals of realistic women? Is it because people don’t want to acknowledge how similar they are to Carrie? In my opinion, people don’t like Carrie, because most of the women who are criticizing Carrie are younger than Carrie is in the show and come from a different generation of women who never experienced dating in the era of Sex and the City. We now have a bunch of 20-year-olds dishing out harsh criticisms of Carrie when they have yet to experience most of their adult dating life. Of course it is easy to criticize Carrie when you have never really dated before, as you are unaware of what you would do in the same situation. Similarly, dating is so different now, so it can be difficult for new modern audiences to understand the dating culture on the show.
These women regularly dated, while now Gen Z seems to be dating and having sex less. Of course, if you date more, you are going to have more failed relationships and will experience messy situations. But isn’t that the fun of it, and something that we are missing as a generation. We seem to be denying ourselves the Carrie Bradshaw dating experience and as such are judging her for being willing to experience all the dating world has to offer. As such, I don’t think this new generation of women has a right to judge Carrie’s actions so harshly, when in reality Carrie is just experiencing what the world has to offer.
I would go as far as to say that I love Carrie Bradshaw as a character. She is a completely realistic representation of womanhood and is involved in realistic relationships with both her male love interests and her friends. She may have her faults but that is what makes her so interesting to watch. Beyond her faults, Carrie also has aspects that make her into someone generally interesting. Her love of fashion has made her into an inspiration and makes her character visually captivating, and her sex column genuinely offers interesting remarks that make audiences reflect on their own love lives and friendships. I therefore, urge Sex and the City fans to give Carrie more grace and to understand that characters do not need to be perfect to be iconic.